


Midnight Blue

by Kaitrin



Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 21:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/905253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaitrin/pseuds/Kaitrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gourry wants to return to Sairaag to retrieve something he left behind, but Lina doesn't want to go. Set between Next and Try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Midnight Blue

"Give me all ten items on the lunch-special menu!"

"I'll have the same!"

The waiter stared in shock at the young red-haired girl and her large blond companion.

"Hurry it up, buddy, I'm starving!" the red-head glared menacingly.

The waiter quickly bowed out of the dining room and dashed over to the kitchen. Anything to get away from that look! She _seemed_ cute and innocent at first glance, but her expression had clearly suggested that if she didn't receive her order soon, he wouldn't live to regret it!

While waiting for their food to arrive, Lina Inverse, the beautiful sorcery genius glanced over at her traveling companion. "So, Gourry, where do you want to go next?" She really didn't expect an answer, just a casual, "Haven't even thought about it". Lina only asked as a courtesy. Gourry never had any plans, but Lina had already decided what they would do next. She had come across a passage suggesting that an obscure magical artifact was in this locality. Her sources called it the "Essence of Burundi," which made it sound like some cheap perfume, but apparently it was supposed to be a pair of earrings that could store spells. The "Essence of Burundi" seemed to be similar to the Reefler that she and Gourry had once found because it stored spells for later use. The only difference was that the Reefler could only be activated by someone who didn't cast the stored spell, whereas the Essence could only be used by the original caster. It didn't surprise Lina that the Essence had been developed by a female sorceress, and she thought it might come in handy for "that time of the month," especially if the rumors were true and the item could store multiple spells. She had already mapped out their route in her mind. But instead of the casual response Lina expected, Gourry ducked his head down and took a deep breath. His reaction was so unexpected, Lina wasn't quite sure how to respond. However, just as Gourry began to say something, three waiters appeared, groaning under the weight of large trays bearing enough food to feed a family of ten for a week.

"Food!" Lina exclaimed and began to eat with gusto. Gourry joined in, and the strange . . . conversation, for lack of a better term, was forgotten.

Several entrees later, Lina leaned back with a satisfied sigh. "Oh man, was that great! Now for desert!"

Gourry made a sound of agreement, but it was clear his attention was elsewhere, which earned him the sorceress's full focus. "Gourry, what's up? You're acting kind of weird."

"Lina, you know how you asked me where I want to go next?"

Lina just nodded, not sure how to react.

"Well, I've been thinking . . ." Gourry paused, but before Lina had a chance to make a crack about him "thinking", he continued in a rush, "and I think we should go back to Sairaag."

Lina felt her stomach drop out, an interesting feat, considering how much she had stuffed into it only moments before. Sairaag was one of the last places she wanted to go, ever. Not only had the place been destroyed . . . twice . . . that was the place where Hellmaster Phibrizzo had taken Gourry, had forced him to fight against her, and had nearly killed him. She still had nightmares of Phibrizzo sealing Gourry in that crystal and the first cracks that would have meant Gourry's death. Sairaag was also the home of a certain shrine-maiden. Lina liked Sylphiel, but the way she stared at Gourry set Lina's teeth on edge for some reason. No. Sairaag was definitely not a place she wanted to revisit. In order to cover up the trepidation she felt at Gourry's suggestion, Lina deliberately misinterpreted him.

"Well, I did have something in mind, but I suppose we could visit Seyruun instead . . . . We haven't seen Amelia and Phil in a while, and Seyruun does have that great soft-serve ice cream. Speaking of which," she said, "can we get that desert cart over here mister?" The last was directed at the waiter who had originally taken their order. He stood there for a few moments trying to process the information that the two people at this particular table had just polished off _twenty_ servings of food between the two of them, and the small red-head wanted _more_. His bemused expression quickly changed to terrified when Lina started glaring at him again, and he quickly retreated to the kitchen.

"Man, the service in this place is really low caliber," Lina started to complain when Gourry interrupted her.

"Lina, I didn't say Seyruun. I said Sairaag. I think we should go back to Sairaag."

Lina tried not to show it, but she was really starting to panic. "Why Sairaag?"

"Well, I just can't shake the feeling that I left something important there." Gourry said.

Lina felt a cold hand grip her heart. What could Gourry have left behind in Sairaag that was so important, that not only did he feel like he needed to go and retrieve it, but he also _remembered_ that he needed it?

Lina looked up at Gourry, and tried to summon a light note. "So, you've been _thinking_ that you need to go back to Sairaag and retrieve this important thing?" She gave him a mock-evil look. "Well, unless you're planning on giving me the Sword of Light, I'll just have to come along!" What Lina hoped is that Gourry would forget all about his important thing in Sairaag if she distracted him with a debate over the ownership of his family heirloom.

"Lina," Gourry looked her in the eye, and she knew that he knew what she was trying to do. Lina bit her lip and looked down.

"I'm not feeling too good right now Gourry. I think something I ate is disagreeing with me. I'm going up to my room to lay down for a bit."

"Sure, Lina. I hope you feel better in the morning. I want to get an early start. It's a long journey to Sairaag from here."

Lina walked slowly out of the dining room, not even noticing a timid waiter emerging from the kitchen pushing a well-stocked desert cart. As she climbed the stairs to her room, her mind was whirling. She did _not_ want to go to Sairaag, under any circumstances. The memories there were too painful. Lina closed her door and locked it, going through the motions automatically, while in her mind she recalled another inn, where she awoke from a dream of Gourry, only to find herself in a reality where he had been stripped away from her. It was that moment when she realized how important he was to her, and how much she counted on his continued presence, and his vow to protect her for the rest of his life. Lina went over to her bed and sat down on it, and tried to shake herself out of the gloomy turn her mind had taken. _He'll probably forget in the morning, the jellyfish brain. Then we'll continue on, chasing down bandits for their loot and sampling all the great restaurants!_ But somehow, Lina didn't think Gourry would forget. From his reaction to her simple question, and the fact that he still remembered it after lunch, it would seem that Gourry had been thinking about returning to Sairaag for quite some time. And when Gourry got something in his head, he tended not to forget it. It was just getting it _into_ his head that was the problem!

Recalling the look he had given her down in the dining hall, Lina felt her face flush and a warmth in the pit of her stomach. Although one of her first thoughts had been that Gourry wanted to go to Sairaag for Sylphiel, upon reflection, she knew that wasn't the case. She knew that Sylphiel was attracted to Gourry (how could anyone not know that!), but Gourry had chosen to stay with Lina when they had gone their separate ways, even though Sylphiel had asked Gourry to help her rebuild Sairaag. Gourry may be dense, but Lina honestly didn't think that he would see no problem with having a relationship with Sylphiel, while continuing to be her protector. It just didn't ring true. But if it wasn't to see Sylphiel, then what could Gourry possibly want to return to Sairaag for? It made her blood run cold just to think about returning there, because all she could see was a mob of zombies chasing after her, a young child dead at the end of her dagger, and Gourry encased in a crystal that shattered into a thousand pieces.

The next morning, when Lina went downstairs Gourry was waiting.

"Feeling better, Lina? I went ahead and ordered breakfast."

Lina took a look at the heaps of pancakes, sausage and eggs, fruit, and fresh muffins and eased into her chair. She poured herself a large mug of orange juice and was just about to slice into a towering stack of pancakes when she noticed that Gourry wasn't eating. "Aren't you gonna eat?" Lina gestured to the food in front of her with her fork.

"I got up early and already ate. Go ahead, Lina, or the food'll get cold."

Lina set about polishing off the prodigious amount of food on the table, but it just wasn't the same without Gourry fighting her for choice morsels. She paused mid-bite and noticed he was drinking a cup of coffee. She had a flash-back to that breakfast when they were deciding to go to Sairaag, and when the food arrived, without thinking she had threatened Gourry, who of course wasn't there. She looked up at him with a troubled expression on her face. "Gourry, are you sure that you need to go to Sairaag? Are you sure you're not confused? You know the place is still a ruin. Maybe we should go to Seyruun instead and visit Amelia."

Gourry refused to meet her eyes. His shoulders slumped, but then he squared them and turned to face her. "Lina . . . I'm not sure why, but I need to go to Sairaag . . . and I want you to come with me. There's something there that I need to do, something I need to find."

"What if I don't want to go to Sairaag. I mean, there are no good restaurants there anymore, and the whole area's been cleared out, so probably no bandits to shake down either. Isn't it a waste of our time to go there now?" Lina tried not to let him see how desperately she wanted to avoid Sairaag.

"If you don't want to go, we don't have to." He paused for a moment. "But, Lina, I need to go. Please." Gourry's eyes, usually clear and sunny, were clouded. He looked confused, but determined as well. Lina was tempted to tell him that they weren't going, and that was that, but she could tell that this was important for him. Something inside her whispered that perhaps it was important for her as well, to return to Sairaag and exorcise the ghosts that had been haunting her.

"Alright, Gourry, we'll go to Sairaag. But if we run out of money because there are no bandits to beat up, we might have to hock the Sword of Light for food!"

Gourry grinned at her, seemingly relieved that she had agreed to make the trip. "I don't think we'll have to worry. There's always fish!"

* * *

Gourry knew that Lina did not want to go to Sairaag, but he was surprised at the strength of her emotions. She tried to hide it from him, but he sensed that she was scared . . . maybe even terrified. He was not quite sure what she was scared of. But then again, he wasn't exactly sure why he needed to go to Sairaag either. He only knew that he did. In the months since the defeat of Hellmaster, the urge to return to Sairaag had been growing, gnawing at him, almost like a sore on the inside of your mouth, the kind that you always bit before it could heal, making it hurt even worse and starting the cycle all over. Gourry stared into the flames of their campfire, listening to the sounds of the night, and occasionally glancing over at Lina's sleeping form. She was breathing easily at the moment, but he was alert for sounds that she was having another nightmare. The dreams were coming more often, and they seemed to be getting worse. He knew they bothered her, but during the day she tried to pretend that she was invincible, Lina Inverse, the Sorcery Genius and Enemy of All Who Live.

He wondered what kind of dreams could affect her like this. She would jerk out of sleep and her eyes would seek him out on the other side of the campfire, and she always seemed relieved to see him, but she said nothing, just rolled over and went back to sleep. In the morning, if he asked her about the nightmares, she would avoid his question, and talk about what they were going to have for breakfast, or what might happen during the upcoming day. Gourry snorted. Lina could talk for hours and hours about magic and history, listing the details of one type of spell and comparing it to another, or she would explain why the villagers in this area plant that type of crop. She always had more to say than he could hear. _Of course_ , he thought, _now that I_ want _to listen, and I'll even pay attention, she has nothing to say_.

Her nightmares probably had something to do with the last time they were in Sairaag. The fact that they were getting worse, along with Lina's unwillingness to make the trip, made that much obvious, even to him. Gourry wished he knew what about their last trip to Sairaag bothered Lina, but he couldn't recall anything from that time. He remembered a thick cloud surrounding him, dragging him away as Lina cried his name. The cloud was cold and surrounded his entire body and then forced its way _inside_ , making him scream in terror and agony until he blacked out. The next thing he knew, Lina was throwing him from the top of a pillar into a hot spring, complaining that he return her stolen innocence. The blank part in his memory bothered him. Gourry knew that he didn't have the greatest memory, something Lina was continually reminding him, but he at least had vague impressions of his past, and if things seemed foggy, he could always count on Lina to remember the details for him. Gourry really didn't care if Shabadingo, or whatever his name was, had been cut into four or seven pieces and locked into a small orihalcon statue, or if the world looked like an egg on a fork (although he did wonder why it hadn't been eaten if it looked so tasty), or if that priest-guy with the funky upturned hair was Zel's uncle, or even if the monster afraid of the tree was somehow related to his family's history. He was a swordsman who knew the difference between friends and enemies, and what to do when enemies began to threaten his friends.

While having a vague and fuzzy memory for unimportant details was normal for Gourry, losing track of large chunks of time was not. What made it even worse, was this ever-present sense that he had lost something important while he had been in Sairaag. For the life of him, he could not figure out what he had lost. He still had his sword, his armor, and Lina. What else could there be? At first, he thought that it actually had been his sword, because it had been missing. But the feeling did not go away once Xellos returned the sword to him after Martina and Zangulus' wedding. He had a huge gap in his memory, the nagging feeling that he had lost something important, and in this case, Lina flatly refused to provide the missing details. Once they had sat at a table with Amelia, Zel and Sylphiel, talking about the events. Both he and Lina felt that something important had happened, but before they could talk about it more, Martina and Zangulus had shown up. The trip back to Zoana had been filled with the girls talking endlessly about a wedding, while Zangulus kept wanting to fight. (One time, Zangulus got bored during his watch and woke Gourry up, insisting on yet another duel. Lina had stormed out of her tent and fireballed the both of them for being so noisy. Zangulus never did _that_ again, at least not after dark.) The events of Sairaag just never came up again. Even after they had parted with Zelgadis, Amelia and Sylphiel, Lina refused to talk about that time, pretending that it never happened. She probably expected that Gourry would forget as well if she never mentioned it, but the fact that she would not talk about what happened in Sairaag only reinforced his awareness of the gap in his memory.

Which brought him to this point. If Lina would not, or could not, tell him what he was missing, the only choice was to go back to Sairaag and find out for himself.

* * *

Lina walked along next to Gourry, enjoying his presence, and trying valiantly to forget their current destination. In order to distract herself, she pondered Zelgadis's problem, wondering what kind of spell would have been used to craft his current body. Chimeras were not her specialty, particularly after her close encounter with a raving lunatic who wanted to put her head on top of one, but considering Zel's situation posed an interesting puzzle that kept her mind occupied while they were walking.

"If you keep chewing on your lip like that, you're going to rip a hole in it, you know." Gourry's voice interrupted her introspection.

Lina was about to come back with a tart rejoinder when suddenly she noticed that a group of bandits was attempting to surround them. She threw a quick glance at Gourry, and realized that he was already well aware of their situation. Lina began to prepare a spell, and the first bandit who jumped in their path was quickly greeted with a Burst Rondo. Gourry drew his sword, and between the two of them, they soon had several bandits groaning in pain on the ground, and the rest beating a hasty retreat. The leader, who had been attempting to direct his group from the relative safety of the trees was gaping like a fish, finding it difficult to believe that his hired thugs had been so completely overcome by two people, one of them a little girl. Something about a small red-head nagged at the edges of his mind, but before he could pin the thought down, the big blond started to advance upon him with a wicked gleam in his eye. The bandit leader started to back away, but he tripped over an exposed tree root and then Gourry was on him. As the leader made a desperate grab to pull out the double-headed axe holstered at his belt, Gourry lifted him up by his shirt front and hurled him into the air. While the bandit gibbered in fear, Lina looked away, knowing that Gourry was going to "practice". Sure enough, tatters of clothing began to flutter to the ground, followed moments later by a buck-naked, but unscathed bandit leader, who quickly jumped up and ran away from this crazy pair as fast as his legs would carry him. The rest of the bandits hobbled off after him.

"Gourry, was that really necessary?" Lina asked sharply as she surveyed the damage, looking for anything that might be valuable.

Gourry grinned. "It's good practice," he shrugged. "Plus, its just as embarrassing as being defeated by a skinny red-haired kid."

Lina was about fire off an indignant rebuttal about _not_ being a skinny kid when something shiny caught her eye. She started to examine it more closely, and realized that it was a belt buckle that had been neatly sliced off of the bandit leader. It was only gilt, she realized and was about to drop it when she suddenly recognized the motif stamped into the metal. She was hardly aware that Gourry had come up behind her and was peering over her shoulder. "I don't get it Lina. It's just a worthless old buckle."

Lina swallowed, barely hearing Gourry's words. She hadn't realized they were so close. Looking around her, she half expected to see Sylphiel waving a white flag. This was one of the bandit groups she had taken on to work out her frustration during the last trip to Sairaag. On her left, she saw a straight line of felled trees, and in her mind's eye, she could see the approach of a swordsman dressed in black armor who expertly wielded Gourry's Sword of Light. She had fought as hard as she could against Phibrizzo's henchman, casting her most powerful spells, the Dragon Slave and even the Ragna Blade. And the swordsman had turned out to be Gourry. This was the place where she had tried to kill Gourry, and where he had tried to kill her. Up ahead, she could see the clearing where his mask had fallen away to reveal Gourry's face, looking curiously blank, but also horrified, as if he knew what he had be forced to do.

Lina stood quietly, holding the bandit's belt buckle in one hand, while the other reached up to clutch the Demon's Blood talisman at her neck. Her painful reverie was broken when Gourry swung her up into his arms and began to carry her, provoking an immediate reaction.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?!" she demanded with righteous indignation, pounding his chest with her fists. "Gourry, put me down this instant!"

"You were just staring at a worthless belt buckle, so I thought maybe you were injured. Just relax, Lina. I'll carry you until you can finish casting a healing spell."

"Gourry, I'm fine! Now put me down!" Lina continued her frontal assault, ignoring the bruised way her hands were starting to feel from banging into Gourry's breastplate.

"No way, Lina." Gourry stoically endured her pummeling, cradling her against his body. "You'd tell me you were fine if you were on the verge of death."

"I said I was fine and I am. Put me down _now_ ," Lina growled.

"No," Gourry returned with a hard edge to his voice. "You may not be injured, but you are most definitely not fine, and you have not been fine since I suggested this trip to Sairaag. I can only pretend that you are fine for so long, Lina. If you really want me to put you down, you'll tell me what is bothering you and why you can't even look me in the eye right now."

Lina looked down and closed her eyes. "I was just remembering," she whispered faintly.

As Gourry gently set her down on her feet, Lina struggled to find her equilibrium. Gourry was right. She was not fine, and she had not been fine, and it was getting harder and harder to pretend that things were normal. She couldn't look at him without remembering the pain and anguish that she had kept hidden on the last trip to Sairaag. Although she had been able to maintain the pretense that last time, Gourry's blue eyes cut right through her forced cheerfulness. All her defenses were crumbling around her, and she hated the weakness she felt.

Gourry stood watching as Lina silently struggled with herself. After a moment, Lina suppressed the urge to heave a shuddering breath, and gave Gourry a weak smile. She could tell that he wasn't fooled for an instant, so she looked away and started searching for anything else the bandits might have dropped during their retreat. After assuring herself that there was nothing of value worth picking up, she called to Gourry. "C'mon, Sairaag is waiting!"

When Gourry didn't immediately reply, she turned around and saw that he had gathered stones for a campfire ring and was busily placing them around an area he had carefully smoothed in the middle of the clearing. He had also accumulated a small stack of kindling.

"Gourry, what are you doing? It's still early afternoon. We can probably make it to Sairaag tomorrow, but not if we stop now. I told you I'm not injured," Lina said with a touch of asperity to cover up the dismay she felt. The place he had picked to camp was the same place where her Ragna Blade had unmasked him.

"Yes, you did tell me that. But I told _you_ that you're _not_ fine. And until you tell me exactly what is bothering you, Lina Inverse, we're not going anywhere." Gourry stood up from his completed fire ring. "Why don't you start the fire, Lina. I'll find something for our dinner." Gourry turned and began to head towards the brook he heard not far in the distance.

As Lina watched Gourry disappear into the surrounding brush, she felt a mixture of trepidation and annoyance. At this point, she just wanted to get this journey over with. Go into Sairaag, get whatever the hell it was that Gourry felt he had "left behind" and go back to their normal routine of punishing bandits, taking their loot, and looking for magical artifacts. She was only on this journey because of Gourry, and if he wasn't going to proceed any farther until she started talking, there were only two options: start talking, or turn around in defeat. Neither was very appealing.

" _Now_ he wants me to start talking, the stupid jellyfish. He's never listened before when I've tried to explain any number of things," Lina muttered under her breath as she methodically built up a pile of kindling to start the fire. A small spell provided the initial spark, then she started to slowly add bigger chunks of wood until she was sure the fire would not go out. Making the fire had provided her with a brief distraction, but now that the task was complete, her memories were demanding attention. In an attempt to stave them off, she started to look for more wood, if only to get out of the clearing where she had battled Gourry. The thought of spending the night there was almost more than she could bear. 

Unfortunately, searching for more firewood had proved to be as insignificant a distraction as starting the fire. It didn't help that the best source of firewood were the trees Gourry had cut down with his initial attack that time. Nor did it help being so close to that blasted clearing. She wanted to be as far away from this place as possible, not stuck here setting up camp to a place that dredged up such wrenching memories. Although she toyed briefly with the idea of bullying Gourry into giving up this whole trip, Lina Inverse was not one to turn back once she embarked upon a course of action. She had faced down monsters, demon lords and even a piece of Shabranigdo without flinching or showing fear. She was not afraid of getting hurt, but she wasn't strong either, or she wouldn't dread facing Gourry so. No, that was not entirely accurate. It wasn't Gourry, but herself and the emotions that were raging inside her that she wished to avoid. She was afraid of being weak, but most of all, she feared what she would become if couldn't regain control. Because if she couldn't maintain control over her emotions, she worried that she might not be able to focus the power necessary for her magic, either. Eventually she gave up on gathering more firewood and concentrated on shoring up the defenses that were letting her weakness through.

* * *

Walking towards the brook, Gourry wondered if he had pushed Lina to far. He just couldn't deal with her pretending anymore. He never thought it would happen, but he actually missed hearing the sound of her voice as she "explained" things to him. Even if he didn't actually pay attention to _what_ she was saying half the time, he still enjoyed _hearing_ her. She always got so involved in whatever she talked about, her expression going from serious to excited at the blink of an eye. But lately, she had been talking less and less, and while there was certainly no need for them to talk _all_ the time, her silence was getting to him. Or maybe it was just the scenery. There was something about that clearing near the spot he had chosen for their campsite that made his hair stand on end. There was something really _wrong_ here, but at the same time, his decision to stop, to force Lina's hand felt _right_. It didn't mean that he liked it though, and he had turned his back on the campsite and Lina's haunted eyes with relief.

At the edge of the brook, Gourry dunked his head into the clear water, hoping the chill would ease the dull pressure that threatened to turn into a full-blown headache. Lina would probably say that he was trying to think too much. As he shook the water out of his eyes, he noticed a blackberry bush that had some ripe fruit, as well as some rabbit tracks nearby. He picked some of the berries, alternatively stuffing his mouth and filling a small sack to bring back to Lina. When he had stripped the bush of all the edible fruit, he set out a snare. If his guess was right, a rabbit family was taking advantage of the briars, and if he was lucky, they could have roasted rabbit instead of fish (even after all this time, he had a hard time watching Lina devour fish, head, guts and all). Before leaving the brook, Gourry took out another leather sack and filled it with water, heading back to the campsite and Lina. As he walked back, he wondered what he would say to her.

Just before entering the clearing where he had left Lina with the fire, he whistled the code they had worked out and waited for the reply. With all the bounty-hunters, justice freaks, trolls, berserkers and whatever else they'd had chasing after them over the years, they'd needed to develop some kind of system to differentiate an approaching friend from foe. It had been Gourry's idea, after she had accidentally cast Burst Rondo at him for the fourth time one day. The code had been his idea, but the reply had been Lina's. There was an "all-clear," and a "privacy" reply, because sometimes Lina decided to change her clothes or do other girl things while he was away. No reply meant that something was wrong. All in all, it was a neat system, and he was heartily in favor of anything that kept him off the receiving end of Lina's magic (he was equally likely to wind up flying through the air if _she_ walked in on him). Zel and Amelia had picked up the habit as well. Xellos, being Xellos, didn't bother.

Gourry tensed up when he didn't hear the reply after a few moments. Cautiously, he drew his sword from its scabbard, and moving as silently as possible, he made his way into the clearing. He was not sure what to expect, but his immediate reaction to what he saw was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Lina was missing, and his first thought was that he had pushed her too hard, and that she had left. He realized almost immediately that he was probably wrong. Her pack was still there, right next to her bedroll. His own stuff was just as neatly laid out on the other side of the fire, and there was no sign of any violence, so he decided to wait a few minutes before trying to find her. She might have just had a call of nature or something. Just the same, he did not relax until a he heard Lina's whistle indicating that she was approaching the camp. With a deep sigh of relief, Gourry responded with the "all-clear" signal.

Lina entered the clearing a few moments later. At first she looked really tense, but then she suddenly burst out laughing. Gourry watched as Lina doubled over with laughter, unsure whether he should be worried that she had finally lost it completely or grateful that she wasn't looking at him with haunted eyes, or even worse, not looking at him at all. He tied the water sack to a tree branch, and brought the other one over to Lina, who was still laughing so hard, tears were starting to form in her eyes, and she was getting red in the face. Gourry wasn't sure what was so funny, but Lina's laughter was so infectious that he couldn't help but grin himself.

"Oh, man! I needed that!" Lina said as she finally calmed down. "What happened to you, Gourry?" She had her hands on her hips, but her eyes were still dancing with barely suppressed mirth.

"What do you mean?" At her question, Gourry looked himself over, noticing the small scratches from the blackberry brambles, as well as the purple stains on his fingers.

"If you were going to take an early bath, don't you think it would have been better to do it _after_ you were done playing in the blackberry brambles?" She pulled a small twig with tiny thorns out of his hair and held it up before his eyes.

Gourry looked a little sheepish. "I brought you some, too. They're in that bag over there," he said, motioning to the sack he had dropped next to her. 

Lina glanced over at it, then sniffed the air pointedly. "Go wipe off your boot, Gourry, and then come back here. I'll comb out your hair for you." Lina went over to her cloak, pausing by the sack to pop a few blackberries into her mouth, and retrieved her comb. 

Gourry went over to the edge of their campsite, cleaned off his boot, and returned with the water sack. "I thought we could boil some water for tea," he said, so Lina pulled a small pot and tripod out of her cloak as well. It never ceased to amaze Gourry how much junk she could fit into that cloak. It was heavy, too, but even when it was completely weighed down, it would still flap in the breeze. Lina had tried to explain it to him, but he still thought that something that full should hang like a dead weight, not flap around.

Lina motioned Gourry to sit down while she filled the pot and set the tripod near the fire. Then she picked up her comb and began to work on the tangles in Gourry's hair. Gourry relaxed under her ministrations, feeling more comfortable with her than he had in a very long time. He always enjoyed it when she combed his hair, unless of course, she was putting it into those ridiculous pig-tails with the little buns on top. Gourry focused all his awareness on how close she was, and on the feel of her hands running through her hair. He noticed that Lina also seemed to be relaxing, and had even started humming softly as she worked.

"Lina?" he said softly.

"Hmm?" she replied absently, continuing to hum.

"It was really nice to hear you laughing again, even if it was at me."

Lina got very quiet and still. Gourry was starting to worry that she was going to pull away from him, but then she started working on his hair again.

"You were right, Gourry. I'm not fine," she said in a quiet voice.

Gourry sat quietly, listening very carefully. After another lengthy pause she continued, "This is where I tried to kill you. This place is where Hellmaster sent you to kill me." Lina lifted a section of Gourry's hair, holding it up to the sunlight.

Gourry took a deep breath. "Why didn't any of you tell me?" he asked quietly. The words, _Hellmaster sent you to kill me_ , echoed in his mind.

"I didn't want you to remember," she whispered. "It was bad enough that I remembered it. I wanted to save you from Hellmaster, and instead I tried to kill you."

Gourry turned to face her, and as he did, he suddenly remembered. He saw himself in black armor, wielding the Sword of Light with a degree of control he had never felt before. It was exhilarating, but the feeling left a sour taste in his mouth. He couldn't see the people he was fighting clearly, but something within him was screaming that this was wrong. Gourry grasped Lina's shoulders, but he was looking over her, towards the edge of the clearing and the stones jutting out of the ground. He heard a child's voice say, _Go. Show them no mercy. And if someone gets killed, it's their own bad luck_. And then he heard Lina whisper again, "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to remember."

Gourry let go of her shoulders, turned away from the stones and sat down hard by the edge of the fire.

* * *

Gourry wasn't sure how long he sat there, staring into the fire. He _was_ sure that while he sat there, Lina didn't move at all. She didn't make any noise, but stood where he had gripped her shoulders and stared into the clearing remembering Hellmaster's childish voice and his demand that Gourry _show no mercy_. Gourry understood now why this place felt _wrong_ , but he also knew that Lina hadn't told him everything.

"Tell me the rest, Lina," he said quietly without turning to look at her.

"No." The word was short, sharp and spoken with stark finality.

Gourry turned to face her. She was still standing with the comb in her hand. Her face was very white, and looked stretched almost to the breaking point, but her eyes were very hard and determined. The haunted look was gone, but so was the laughter. She said nothing, just pressed her lips together in a thin line.

Behind them, the water Lina had placed near the fire boiled over with a hiss, unnoticed by either.

He watched as she built a wall before him, hiding all the pain he knew she was feeling. The closeness from a few moments before was replaced by a chasm that grew wider by the moment. Gourry knew why she didn't want to tell him more. He felt sick with the memory, himself. He also knew that she was trying to protect him, but the price was too high. If Lina kept it all locked inside, if she continued to pretend that these memories didn't bother her, he would lose her.

No! He couldn't lose her! Gourry felt his frustration rising. He would kill anyone who tried to hurt Lina, but the person who was hurting Lina right now was Lina herself. How could he protect her from herself? How could he make her come back to him? He had to fight Lina in order to protect Lina . . . it made no sense! Gourry's frustration turned to anger. He had to hurt Lina in order to make her stop hurting. And suddenly, it made sense.

He looked at Lina again. She still stood across from him, lips clenched and eyes angry, every bit the Sorcery Genius who had faced down Dark Lords and monsters. She was ready to face _him_ down now. Gourry felt his anger boil over, and he rose to his feet.

"I remember kneeling in front of Phibrizzo," Gourry said. Again in his mind he heard Phibrizzo's voice saying _show no mercy_. "He told me not to worry. That he was sure you would come, and that I shouldn't hold back. You cast the Dragon Slave at me, and I just absorbed it with my Sword and hurled it back at you." Gourry's voice gained intensity as he advanced on her. "You cast the Ragna Blade, but I just parried it away, and you barely managed to nick my armor. I remember how you tried your damndest to defeat me, Lina Inverse, but I was winning!" Gourry was now yelling. "We tried to kill each other, but that's not the whole story! You remember and it's still killing you! I don't remember and it's killing me! I need to know the rest, AND YOU NEED TO TELL ME!"

Lina's mouth opened, then closed. She smiled a sickly sweet smile, one that was incredibly dangerous. "When we found Sylphiel here, she wanted to know where you were. I smiled brightly at her and cheerfully told her that you had been kidnapped by Hellmaster Phibrizzo. Do you know what she said? She said she would use violence, money, and _sex appeal_ to get you back." Lina turned away from him, clenching her fists to her side. After a moment she turned back to face him. "I wanted to come to Sairaag alone, you know," she commented in a normal tone of voice. Her face had become a mask of complete indifference. "But Zel and Amelia, and even _Martina_ insisted that they come too." She gave a short bark of laughter. "Amelia wouldn't let me tell them Hellmaster's plan so she wouldn't try to stop me from saving you, just in case I had to do something 'unjust'." Lina paused and the mask of indifference she wore slipped as the haunted look returned to her eyes. "Hellmaster took you to force me to cast the Gigaslave," she continued. "So the universe would be returned to chaos. I just stood there, watching, as he killed everybody. Amelia. Sylphiel. Zelgadis. Zangulus and Martina. He killed them all, one by one, and then encased them in crystal." The mask was completely gone, and her face twisted with anguish as she shouted, "I just stood there and he killed everyone!" Lina took a deep breath and spoke softly. "And then he was going to kill you, Gourry. You were encased in crystal, just like the others. He said you were dying in there, and could only be freed if I defeated him. He started to crack your crystal, he said that when these crystals shattered it was the most beautiful sound." Her voice was starting to sound frantic. "I started to cast the Gigaslave to save you, Gourry! I called upon the power of the Lord of Nightmares," she paused again, " . . . and then Phibrizzo killed me." She spoke those final words softly, and then she sank to the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.

As Gourry listened to her, he felt his anger drain away. He wasn't sure why the part about Sylphiel using sex appeal was important, but he knew now why she didn't want to come back to Sairaag, and he also figured out what her nightmares had been about. Gourry waited for her to go on, but when she said nothing else, he spoke quietly, "Tell me the rest, Lina."

Lina's head snapped up, "There _is_ nothing else, you Jellyfish!" she shouted. "We all died! I tried to save you, and I just got everyone killed! I _failed_! Hellmaster _killed us all_!"

Gourry was silent for a moment. "So that's why I need to go to Sairaag," he muttered to himself. Lina just stared at him, so he continued, "If we're all dead, I need to go get our lives back."

* * *

Watching Gourry's reaction to her whispered confession, Lina decided that telling him had been wrong. While combing out his hair, she had felt so comfortable being near him. It just felt _right_. And for the first time in days, she hadn't needed to consciously attempt to distract herself from the memories. She had somehow managed to let go of all her concerns and she just _was_. She enjoyed the way sunlight glinted off his drying hair as she dragged the comb through it, the feel of its texture underneath her hands, the warmth of the sun on her back. She hadn't realized how relaxed she was until Gourry spoke. At that moment, she knew she faced a choice. Over the past few days, she had put so much energy into trying to pretend things were fine. . . which meant holding Gourry at arm's length, not letting him get too close or he might pierce her thin veneer of normality. But that isn't what had happened. She was close to him, and everything was _better_. She didn't have to pretend that she was fine, she actually _was_ fine. Maybe if she told him what was bothering her instead of trying to avoid the subject, maybe they could stay like this. _Maybe_ she wouldn't have to feel so tied up in knots and alone.

She was wrong. As horrible as the memories and the nightmares were, Gourry's expression when she told him was worse. Watching his pain made her feel like a stone golem had wrapped its hand around her heart and was squeezing it into a pulp. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to collapse. She wanted to scream out in agony. But most of all, she never wanted to know that she had caused him such suffering, ever again. _Once, I chose the Gourry over the world. Now, I choose Gourry over myself_ , she thought. As he turned away from her, she stiffened her resolve and concentrated on rebuilding the barriers that would allow her to hide her own personal trauma from Gourry, and eventually (hopefully) from herself, as well.

By the time Gourry asked her to tell him the rest, she was prepared, and she refused. But somehow, that just made it even worse. She wasn't sure how she expected him to react, but for some reason, his anger took her completely by surprise, and when he described the details of their battle, she wasn't quite sure what to think. As he advanced on her, she thought for a moment that he would hit her, but his final words hit her harder than any blow. During the time they had been together, she had seen Gourry annoyed, arrogant, teasing, insulting, depressed, but mostly . . . calm. Nothing seemed to bother him much. He had never yelled at her before. He had growled at her for dressing him up as a girl (especially when she and Amelia teased him about the "Great Hero Valun") but he had never yelled at her. Even when she had let him think she was dead, to get Kanzel to lower his guard, he hadn't yelled at her. He just looked at her reproachfully and asked her to consider his feelings next time.

This time, Lina _was_ thinking about his feelings.

She thought that she could just smile and talk to him calmly, just as she had with Sylphiel when she asked where Gourry was. She would tell him inconsequential things, like the way Zangulus had suddenly shown up in the middle of the fight, demanding Gourry's presence, like he wanted another rematch. Things that wouldn't hurt him, like how they found Sylphiel before he attacked. But somehow, once she started talking, she couldn't stop until she had told him everything. She couldn't stop until she had told him how she had failed. Because that was the last thing she remembered: Phibrizzo's laughter as her body was pierced by thousands of needle-sharp objects, the agonizing realization that she had failed, and then . . . nothing.

Lina knew that Phibrizzo's last attack should have killed her. She also knew that somehow, she had survived, as had all of her friends. In the aftermath, when they were all gathered together talking, she was so relieved when Martina and Zangulus had shown up, because it provided a welcome distraction from questions, and from the knowledge that in the end, she had watched Phibrizzo kill all her friends before he killed her as well. Lina had been genuinely relieved and happy that everyone was alright, but she also wondered why she was still alive. Although she let everyone think that she had somehow managed to save them all, as fitting with her image as a Sorcery Genius, their belief in her made her feel all the more hollow inside. With time and distance from Sairaag, she had been able to put these thoughts aside, and to regain at least the veneer of her former confidence . . . until Gourry suggested this journey, that is.

So when she told Gourry that they had all been killed, she was lashing out at herself. In his silence, she felt reproach and lost herself in bitter self-recriminations. But his next comment could not have surprised her more. "So that's why I need to go to Sairaag," he said. "If we're all dead, I need to go get our lives back."

* * *

Gourry watched Lina stare at him, and suppressed a grin. The look of confusion on her face was classic, so unlike Lina, but such an improvement over any of the various masks she'd been wearing to hide her feelings from him. Her brow was furrowed, and crouching down in front of her, he reached out with his right hand and gently traced a line between her eyebrows, smoothing the lines away. "If you think too much, you're gonna hurt yourself, you know."

Lina quickly, but gently, pushed aside his hand. "Gourry," she said with a frown, "you don't think . . . we're really dead . . . do you?" She sounded worried, but also on the verge of launching into a lecture.

Gourry masked his disappointment at being pushed away so quickly. _At least she didn't fireball me_ , he thought. "I know you think I've got the brains of a jellyfish, but give me _some_ credit, will ya." Gourry snorted. "Watching you beat yourself up over the past is hardly _my_ idea of a pleasant afterlife."

"And what _exactly_ is that supposed to mean?" she demanded with some asperity.

"Exactly what it sounds like," he returned. "Did you ever think that there was a _reason_ everyone else seemed to think you were responsible for saving them?"

"I _know_ I was out of action, just as certainly as when we fought Copy Rezo! Only this time, there was no Sylphiel to cast resurrection, because Hellmaster had killed her when she tried to Dragon Slave him again! If I was out of it, how could I have saved everyone?"

"A-again?" Gourry's brain tried valiantly to wrap itself around an image of Sylphiel casting a Dragon Slave. He could picture Sylphiel making the movements to summon the power, but when she finished chanting the spell, a large carrot floated forward from her hands. He tried again, and this time at the end of the spell the destructive energy burst forth, but it came from a small red-head with an innocent smile. It seemed the image of Sylphiel in his mind was unwilling to be linked with wholesale destruction.

Lina smiled wryly. "Yeah, again. Apparently she started practicing after we left Sairaag the first time. You know what she said? She said, 'I thought if I was going to travel with Gourry, I should be able to do this.'" Lina paused, and then said with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "You know she's in love with you, don't you."

"Yeah, I know." If Lina expected him to be surprised by that, she was going to be disappointed.

"Y-you what? You do?" Lina looked confused again.

Gourry found himself fighting the urge to grin again. Some _body must like me_ , he thought. _I've managed to confuse Lina twice in the same conversation_. "Yes. I do know. That Sylphiel is in love with me." He put a brief space between each statement. Before he could continue, his stomach growled insistently. "Look. I'm gonna go check that snare I set." He glanced over at the pot they had set to boil. "I'd better get some more water while I'm at it. Why don't you pull out the rations. This shouldn't take me too long."

He picked up the empty water sack and threw it over his shoulder, doing his best not to saunter out of the clearing, so as to give Lina no excuse for a parting shot. He felt smug about the way he had dominated the conversation, but also annoyed that she thought him so unobservant. _An unobservant warrior is a dead warrior_ , his sword master had been in the habit of saying. In battle, the smallest thing could mean the difference between life and death, between victory and defeat. Something as trivial as an unnoticed ant-hill could foul footwork; a low-hanging branch could impede a sword-stroke. _A warrior can't always choose his battleground, but an observant one can use it to his advantage_ , was another of his sword master's sayings. As much as footwork and blade movements, learning to quickly judge his surroundings had been a part of his training. His ability to notice small details had become almost automatic; it was one of the things that made him a good swordsman.

However, Gourry wasn't just good, he was one of the best. Through years of training and experience, he had learned how to judge his opponents' moves by watching the way their eyes moved or listening for small changes in their breathing. Unfortunately, his heavy reliance on such unconscious cues made fighting mazoku particularly difficult. They just didn't do things like blink or even breathe. Actually, the breathing had been what tipped him off about Xellos, although he knew the others hadn't taken him seriously. Xellos _looked_ human, but he didn't breathe, unless he was talking. That, plus the fact that he didn't react to his surroundings the way people did, was a dead giveaway. Gourry might not pay attention to history lessons and lectures on magic, but "unobservant" he was not.

When he said that he needed to go to Sairaag to get their lives back, he had been thinking that he wanted to get their lives back to the way they were before. Lina had said that there was nothing else to tell, but he still felt like there was more, something important. He could understand why Lina didn't want him to remember how Phibrizzo had controlled him. Just thinking about how close he had come to killing her made his blood freeze. He was supposed to be her protector, to go on protecting her for the rest of his life, and he had almost killed her. He wished he could just forget how he had bowed before Phibrizzo, and the thrilling power he had wielded with his Sword. Yet, despite the horror of that memory, he still felt the urge to remember the rest. He needed to know what happened between the time when Lina cast the Gigaslave and when she hurled him from the pillar.

As Gourry approached the brook, he heard the faint struggles of an animal, and he began to grin. Sure enough, there was a rabbit caught in his snare. He quickly dispatched it, and refilled the water sack. He went downstream a ways to skin and gut the rabbit, and then began the walk back to their campsite. When it was nearly in sight, he whistled out their code, and paused to await the reply. This time, the response was immediate.

Lina had placed some travel bread on flat stones near the fire. Cold, the stuff was as hard as a rock, but it softened up as it got warmer. Lina had tried to explain how that worked as well, but the results were all that really mattered to him. She had also dug out some sweet potatoes. She had skewered one and held the stick over the fire with one hand, while the other reached into the sack next to her and then popped a ripe blackberry into her mouth. Gourry held up the rabbit as he approached.

"Just one?" She asked in disappointment.

"Yeah. I left the snare out, so there might be another one in the morning." Gourry started dressing the rabbit, assembling a make-shift spit and placing it near the fire to roast. "Toss me a potato," he said after he finished. As he speared it with a stick he said, "We should turn in early tonight. I want to start out for Sairaag at first light."

"Whatever you say," Lina said around a mouthful of blackberries. "This is your journey, after all."

"You know, Lina," Gourry looked her straight in the eye, "now, I think it's for us both."

* * *

Lina lay on her back and gazed up at the stars. She was tired, and she knew that she should get to sleep, but instead the events of the day kept replaying in her mind, over and over. After Gourry had returned with the rabbit, Lina really hadn't felt like talking much, and apparently Gourry didn't either, for they had just sat there, mostly in silence. It wasn't awkward silence, but it wasn't companionable either. It was like they were both lost in their own thoughts. At least, _she_ had been lost in thoughts. Who knew what passed for thought through that jellyfish's head. _He can't remember anything about how the world was created, or the story of Shabranigdo and Cephied, or even that his ancestor killed the Demon-Beast Zanaphar . . . but he knows that Sylphiel is in love with him . . ._ Gourry had reacted so unexpectedly to her taunt. She wasn't sure how she thought he would react, maybe get embarrassed or flustered, or maybe look confused. But no, he just calmly tells her that he already knew! She wondered what else he knew, if he knew how she . . .

Lina rolled over on to her side defiantly, as if to put an end to that train of thought. She found herself facing the fire, and on the other side Gourry sat, his knees loosely clasped in his arms. His head was leaning back, and slightly to one side, but she could tell he wasn't asleep. The moon was waning, but it had not yet set, and its faint light bathed his features from above, while the firelight kissed him from below. She felt a sudden irrational surge of jealousy for his _legs_ , of all things, for being within the circle of his arms. Maybe it was the flicker of the fire, but she felt slightly mesmerized as she gazed at his arms. He had taken off his fingerless gloves, and his arms were crossed, each hand resting on the opposite elbow. Her breath caught in the back her throat as she looked at his hands, and her heart started to beat faster. She could almost feel his hands gently grasping her arms, pulling her closer . . .

Lina closed her eyes and suppressed the urge to roll over onto her other side, but that only intensified the feeling of his arms around her. _Gourry is on the_ other _side of the fire_ , she told herself firmly. _He's_ never _touched me like that, so we can stop with the silly fantasies now, okay?_ But a voice within her whispered, _he's never touched you like that because you've never let him_. Was it that she had never let him, or that he had never shown any interest in her, she wondered. _Admit it_ , the voice whispered again, _you hold him at arms' length, but you really do want him to touch you_. Unbidden, the memory of the morning after Martina cursed her rose in her mind. Xellos had provided a "demonstration" of the effects of the curse by grabbing Gourry's hand and placing it onto her breast, which ended up with her kicking Gourry in the crotch . . . but not right away. Gourry should have pulled away, the instant Xellos had let go of his hand, but he had kept it there, gently cupping her. And she just stood there, her brain short-circuiting. It took her a moment to realize his comment, she had just replied automatically, most of her attention riveted to the feel of his hand. Then, his crack about her size sunk in, and her leg struck out. Thinking back on it now, was Gourry trying to insult her, or was he just making an observation? Her memory of the gentle feel of his hand was at odds with his words.

She wondered why it was so hard for her. Everyone else seemed to think that she had feelings for Gourry. She remembered Amelia panicking and trying to prevent her from seeing Sylphiel healing Gourry in the forest near Sairaag. She remembered Martina telling her to be honest with her feelings. And Sylphiel, although she really wanted to believe that Lina traveled with Gourry for his Sword of Light, she seemed to think there was more as well. _But if I'm honest with my feelings, I won't know how to act!_ Lina wailed to herself. She thought of how Sylphiel and Martina acted around guys they liked. Sylphiel's love for Gourry was quiet, but ever-present. It wasn't intrusive, but instead supportive and patient. Lina felt like she could never be like that. She wasn't quiet, she wasn't supportive, and she certainly had no patience. She couldn't imagine being like Martina, either, always swooning over the latest male who appeared on the scene, affiancing herself at the drop of the hat. Lina suddenly had the curious mental image of Martina begging Zangulus to take off his hat so she could make him her fiancé. It made her grin in spite of the melancholy turn her thoughts had taken.

_Yes, I am in love with Gourry_ , Lina admitted to herself. _But I don't want things to change, either_. She thought of the way they fought over food, how they worked so well as a team, how it had felt when she combed out his hair earlier that day, and she locked her feelings for the big swordsman deep within her heart, where she could treasure them, but they wouldn't interfere with the comfortable relationship they shared.

Suddenly Lina yawned hugely. She opened her eyes and looked at Gourry again. _It doesn't matter if I'm not like Sylphiel or Martina_ , she suddenly decided. _He's still here, after everything I said, after telling him that I tried to kill him, and telling him that I couldn't save him. He's still here . . . and he'll still be here in the morning._ With that thought, Lina's eyes drifted shut, and she finally fell asleep.

* * *

Gourry woke up with a start, and automatically surveyed his surroundings. The air was chill and damp, and the sky was just beginning to lighten, although he figured that sunrise was still an hour off. He quietly rolled out of his blankets and put more wood onto the fire. Lina lay on her side, her arm and leg thrown over her blanket, cuddling it to her body. Her face looked relaxed and content. Gourry picked up his blanket and gently covered her.

"Mmmm," she mumbled and opened her eyes. She gave him a smile of pure joy, then closed her eyes and went back to sleep.

Gourry felt a flash of recognition, but he wasn't sure why. Something about Lina's smile seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite remember ever seeing her smile like that before. It was completely unguarded and uncensored. Usually, Lina's smiles were a part of the face she presented to the world, rarely were they true reflections of what she was actually feeling. Sometimes, her smile promised death, but this time, she looked so happy. Gourry sighed. He wished she would smile at him like that when she was awake, but more than that, he wondered why her smile felt familiar, when it was so unlike her. 

Gourry suddenly felt edgy. He assessed their surroundings again, trying to decide if there was danger nearby. The forest seemed quiet, but not unnaturally quiet, just normal pre-dawn silence. When his gaze turned towards the clearing ringed with large stones, he felt his blood go cold, and he heard Phibrizzo's laughter echo in his mind. _It's time to go. Now_ , he thought. The feeling that had made him decide to stop here yesterday was gone, replaced with the urge to get to Sairaag as soon as possible. Gourry considered going to check his snare for another rabbit, but the thought of leaving Lina alone, even for a brief moment, made the edginess even worse. He brought out some of the travel rations, and began to break up camp. When nearly everything was ready, he went over to wake Lina.

"Lina, wake up." He pitched his tone low, while he grasped her shoulder.

Lina's eyes flew open, but she looked confused.

"It's time to go," he said in the same intent tone.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly, suddenly very aware.

"I don't know. But I do know that we have to leave, as soon as possible. Now."

Lina looked at him briefly, and then started gathering up her belongings, taking care that she didn't miss anything, but obviously rushing. Gourry kicked dirt over their fire, and stirred it around with a stick. When Lina stood, he handed her some of the rations he had taken out, and started walking towards Sairaag. Lina took one more look around their campsite, and then followed, eating as she walked.

Gourry glanced back and saw her chewing furiously. He could tell that she was bursting with questions, but she was also restraining herself because she didn't know what was bothering him. Now that they were walking, the urgency he felt in the clearing had eased. Maybe it was just being so close to the place where he had fought against Lina and the others. Gourry wondered again what had made him set up camp there yesterday. It seemed like he spent most of the day avoiding the site, doing things like getting water or picking berries. Lina had hardly spoken to him after he returned with the rabbit, although he hadn't said much either. Gourry hated the way things were between them right now. The easy comfort they had with each other was suddenly as fragile as a spider's web. One moment they were close and companionable, and then Lina would pull away. Somehow, he had to make things right between them again, so that they could go back to the way they were before. _I want it undone!_ The words seemed somehow familiar, but he wasn't sure exactly what it was he wanted undone.

"Alright, Gourry. What's going on?" Lina's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"What made you hustle me out of bed this morning, before dawn, I might add, and then start on the road without even a decent breakfast?" Lina sounded annoyed.

"I dunno," Gourry replied. "I just felt like it was time to go."

"You just felt like it was time to go," Lina repeated sarcastically. "Geez, a jellyfish with intuition! What am I going to do with you and these urges you seem to be suddenly prone to? Not only am I stuck taking a trip to Sairaag, the _last_ place I wanted to go, but I'm also tired, hungry and getting rather cranky!"

Gourry stopped walking and looked at her. Although it seemed like a normal Lina-type tantrum with the typical complaints, this was the first time she had actually said that she really didn't want to go to Sairaag. "What are you afraid of, Lina?" he asked.

"Afraid of?" Gourry's question completely took the wind out of her outburst.

"Yes, afraid of. I mean, you said it yourself, there's nothing in Sairaag but ruins, no good restaurants to get kicked out of, and all. Hellmaster's gone, that Copy-guy's gone, so what are you afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid." She said it defiantly, as if daring him to contradict her. Gourry said nothing, just kept looking at her with a steady gaze. "I'm _not_ afraid," she repeated. Her eyes narrowed. "What else do you remember?" she asked suddenly.

"Huh?" It was Gourry's turn to be confused.

"About when Phibrizzo had you."

"What? Why are you asking about _that_?"

"I didn't want to make this journey, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"I didn't want you to remember. But you said you needed to come to Sairaag, and you actually remembered it in the morning." She paused and Gourry remained silent. "I hate this trip!" She burst out suddenly. "Every step that we take brings us closer to Sairaag, and I hate it! The closer we get, the worse things are getting! It's not worth it! Whatever it is you _think_ you need," her voice made the word an insult, "it isn't worth it!"

Gourry watched her work herself up to a fever pitch. She looked almost as frantic as when there were slugs around. Except she wasn't hanging all over him like she had at Halcyon's mansion. He grabbed her shoulders and gave her a little shake. She was right about one thing. The past few days had been hard for both of them. Gourry felt like he was on one of those fair rides, where you sat on a chair that a bunch of people pushed back and forth. When the chair went high, just before it came down you would feel really light, then it would swing down, and at the bottom you would be really heavy, then you'd go up again. The back-and-forth shifts between feeling heavy and light were fun at the fair, but going between the anger and the sadness and the silence was not, and right now, he just wanted the ride to be over.

"I don't remember much else," he said, answering her earlier question. "I know there's something important I'm forgetting, that I need to remember for some reason. But it's not just for me, Lina. I'm not exactly enjoying this trip either," he said heatedly. "Remembering what Phibrizzo did to me . . . what he made me do to _you_ , it _hurts_! Part of me actually enjoyed the power I had, that I could absorb your strongest spells with my Sword, and that disgusts me! But it's worse to see you pulling away from me and hiding things! It seems like the only time you talk to me these past days is to yell or ask where the food is." Gourry paused and took a deep breath. "Lina," he began more quietly, "you usually talk to me so much. I don't always pay attention to what you're saying, but I do hear you. I miss hearing you just _talk_. Stop trying to protect me."

Lina sighed. "It seems like every time I say something, I end up hurting you, and if I don't say anything, I still end up hurting you. Gourry, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't seem to stop." Her voiced dropped to a whisper, "I don't know what to do." She lowered her eyes, seeming very interested in his feet, all of the sudden.

Gourry reached out and tilted her chin up to make her look at him. "Just talk to me, Lina. Stop trying to be brave. Stop trying to be the Sorcery-Genius. Just be Lina, and talk to me." He saw a half-dozen emotions flicker across her face, and then she just looked at him, her heart in her eyes. Gourry was so startled by the feelings she revealed that he nearly dropped his hands. Instead he returned her gaze with equal intensity. Her tongue snaked out and moistened her lips, and his eyes, attracted by the movement, shifted to her mouth. His right hand reached around to the back of her neck, while his heart thudded so loudly in his chest he thought she would hear it. Ever so slightly, he inclined his head forward to claim the gift she offered him. Her eyes drifted closed, a silent invitation. Encouraged by her reaction, he pulled her closer . . . then they both jumped apart when they heard the sound of a horse approaching at full gallop.

* * *

Gourry quickly drew his sword, while Lina readied a spell, both of them crouched on opposite sides of the roadway. Lina hoped it was a bandit she could punish. Somebody had to pay for the interruption! She squinted down the road. The sun was behind them, which meant that it would be in the rider's eyes, giving them an advantage. She glanced over at Gourry, but he was also peering intently, trying to catch the first glimpse of the quickly approaching rider. Within moments, the rider came into view. Although Lina was _hoping_ for a bandit, she hadn't actually expected one, since bandits seldom kept, or rode, horses, and this rider was, sadly, not an exception. The horse and the rider both wore the imperial crest of Lyzeille, which meant they were on official business. Lina was too irritated to let that stop her, however, and as soon as they were in range, she stood up, shouting: "Dill Brand!"

As the horse and rider went for a vertical trip through the air, soon to be followed by a much less pleasant return trip to the ground, Gourry jumped up. "Are you crazy?" he shouted. "You just blew up an innocent stranger!"

"He wasn't innocent," Lina returned with heat. "He interrupted us, so he deserved it! He has no business racing a horse on a road from a destroyed city, anyways!"

While Lina was arguing with Gourry, the imperial messenger of the Empire of Lyzeille thudded to the ground. His horse, which had landed a few moments earlier, got up and bolted off in a random direction to find a place where the ground didn't suddenly throw him up into the air.

"Well, look at him," Gourry said. "He's obviously not a bandit, and he was just passing through!"

"Ughh," the imperial messenger groaned.

"I know he's not a bandit! That's still no excuse for nearly trampling us over!"

"Ugghhh," the imperial messenger repeated, a bit louder.

"Look, Lina. I know you're upset, but that's no excuse for taking it out the first person who happens by."

His groans of pain seemed to solicit no reaction from the arguing pair, so the messenger tried a different approach. "Um, excuse me? I could use some help, here."

"His happening by is exactly what's got me so upset!"

"Hello, there," the messenger tried again. Lina glared at him. "Uh . . . never mind," he said quickly.

"You'd better stay out of Lina's way," Gourry advised him, "at least until she's calmed down."

"L-Lina?" The messenger repeated. He took a careful look at Lina, then at her companion. He swallowed hard. "You don't mean Lina Inverse, do you?"

"Yes, I'm Lina Inverse, the beautiful Sorcery Genius," Lina said while striking a pose.

"You mean I've somehow offended the 'Enemy of All Who Live'?" The messenger began to look rather green.

"Hey!" Lina said indignantly.

Gourry stepped over to the messenger and held out his forearm to help him up off the ground. A s he pulled him up, he commented quietly, "I'd avoid letting her hear that if I were you, or you really will be dead."

"I heard that, Gourry," Lina said in a dangerous flat tone.

Gourry just looked at her with an innocent expression. Meanwhile, the messenger was cowering, trying to hide behind Gourry.

"Stop that," Lina was getting more annoyed as this situation developed. "I don't bite."

"At least that's one thing you don't have to worry about," Gourry commented.

"Gourry," Lina clenched her hands in fists and started to glow.

"But it's true Lina. You don't bite, but you do kick, and punch, and cast painful spells, and," Gourry ticked each item off on his fingers, "you steal other people's food and money, and . . ."

"I'll cast a painful spell at you, if you don't stop, already," Lina summoned the power for a fireball to her hand.

Gourry yelped. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't say any more!"

Lina let the spell fade, only marginally mollified. _Enemy of All Who Live_ , she thought to herself with an internal groan. _I've saved the world from a piece of Ruby-Eyed Shabranigdo himself, but what am I known for? The occasional bit of accidental collateral damage!_ Still, the exchange had her feeling better than she had in a long time. She got to work off some frustration with her magic, but she had also made a rather startling discovery. She wasn't sure if he was aware of it, but she had been watching Gourry rather carefully when he made those comments, both to her and the messenger, and she had realized that Gourry wasn't trying to _insult_ her, he was _teasing_ her! There had been a glint in his eye, even when she threatened the fireball, that let her know it was all just a game. Somehow, the fact that she had bared her soul to him, that they had almost kissed, hadn't really changed things. For the first time since starting this journey, Lina began to feel like maybe things would turn out after all.

Meanwhile, the imperial messenger continued to cower behind Gourry, occasionally peering around him to see if he would survive this encounter with a sorceress who was as well-known for her temper as for the power of her spells.

Lina cocked her head and placed a hand on her hip, turning her attention to the imperial messenger. She wasn't sure if she should laugh or be annoyed at the fact that he was hiding behind Gourry. "All right," Lina said. "You can come out, now."

"Is it safe?" the messenger asked Gourry, his voice cracking on the last word.

Annoyance won. "Hey! I'm right here, and there's _nothing_ wrong with my hearing!" _Geez, do they all think that a petite body means no hearing?_ "If you don't come out now, it will definitely not be safe!" Lina raised her hands again, threateningly.

The messenger took a deep breath, and, like a man who was being led to the headsman's block, he squared his shoulders and abandoned the dubious protection of his spot behind the big swordsman.

Lina lowered her hands. "Okay, what's an imperial messenger of Lyzeille doing here?"

"Who's Lizzy?" Gourry asked.

"Ly-zeille," Lina repeated, "is the name of the empire we're walking through right now. Atlas City and Sairaag are both part of the Imperial Kingdom of Lyzeille."

"Oh," Gourry replied in a vague tone.

"Never mind," Lina gave up in disgust and turned her attention back to the messenger. "Well?"

The messenger was starting to hope that he might manage to get through this encounter without adding to the bruises he had acquired from his abrupt introduction with the ground. "As you may have heard, strange things have been occurring recently in the city of Sairaag. After the big explosion that wrecked the city a few years ago, it was largely abandoned."

"Yeah, yeah, we know that part already," Lina waved her hand, trying to encourage him to get on with the story.

"Well," the messenger looked off-balance. He cleared his throat. "Rumors had reached the emperor that the city had been restored, but that Flagoon was no longer there. Naturally, the emperor sent out scouts to verify the rumors."

"Naturally," Lina replied.

"Of course, the scouts returned with news that the city was still mostly destroyed, but," he paused dramatically, "they did confirm that Flagoon was no longer there." The messenger looked as though he expected a shocked reaction at that announcement.

"We know that part already, too." Lina had crossed her arms and was tapping her foot impatiently. "Why are _you_ here?"

The messenger looked rather crestfallen that they already knew about Flagoon. "Well," he continued, "as you may know, every year the seeds of Flagoon are collected and taken to the other cities of the Empire. Many believe that they have the same power to absorb the miasma of evil that Flagoon possessed, and they are the central relics in each of the temples." Lina nodded. "When he confirmed that Flagoon had somehow been destroyed, the emperor ordered all the seeds to be collected so that Flagoon could be replanted. The priests insist that everything be perfect for the replanting ceremony, so things are taking longer than the emperor had hoped. But, he wants to make sure that nothing else odd happens in Sairaag, so he's sent a small garrison force to guard the site. I'm just delivering the message that all is still well." He smiled, but again his audience wasn't reacting as he expected.

When the messenger had announced that there was a garrison in Sairaag, Lina glanced over at Gourry, wondering how that would affect him and his need to find whatever it was he thought he had lost. Gourry's brow furrowed, and he looked like he was trying to figure something out. "Gourry?" she asked, concerned.

"Where are the troops stationed?" Gourry asked the messenger.

"Huh?"

"Can you tell me where they are in relation to the old city?"

The messenger looked suspicious. "Why do you want to know?"

"We've been hired to retrieve an object from the old city," Lina threw in quickly. " It was left there by someone who used to live there, but left after the first destruction. We thought the city was still deserted, but it would be really helpful if we knew where the garrison is, so we can inform them of our mission." Lina smiled, a sweet little girl smile that usually got her what she wanted.

"Oh, that's okay, then." The messenger seemed reassured. Luckily, he didn't notice Gourry face-faulting behind him. "The garrison isn't actually in Sairaag proper, or anywhere near the old city. They're up on a ridge behind the city, in the old abandoned castle."

Lina chewed her lip thoughtfully. "When is the replanting ceremony supposed to take place?"

"I'm not actually sure," he replied. "The priests are still arguing about when would be most propitious, last I heard."

"No time to waste, then," Lina said. "Thanks for the information!" Her mind was already starting to consider the layout of the new part of Sairaag in relation with the old city and the castle as she and Gourry started walking.

"Hey, wait!" the messenger called out after them.

"Now what?" Lina demanded in irritation.

"Do you think you could help me find my horse?" he asked plaintively.

* * *

"You want us to do what?" Lina screeched.

"Well, it is sort of your fault that my horse spooked . . . so I thought maybe you could help me find him . . . maybe . . ." the messenger flushed and looked like he was seriously reconsidering the wisdom of his request.

Gourry thought he probably had a point, since it was Lina's spell that had caused the horse to run off. They kind of owed it to the guy to help him get his mount back. But, he knew how Lina liked to operate under these circumstances, so he just kept his mouth shut. He did hope that she wouldn't drag this out too long, though. If they hurried, they might actually reach Sairaag tonight.

" _My_ fault?" Lina demanded.

"Um . . . well . . ." The messenger looked flustered. Then he straightened up. "As an imperial messenger of the emperor of Lyzeille, I am authorized to offer you a reward for your assistance," he said formally.

"Reward?" Lina suddenly looked starry-eyed. Gourry was amazed at how quickly she could shift from looking like a crazed monster to an innocent young girl.

"Of course," the messenger said smoothly. "I could offer you ten silver."

"We'll do it for five gold," Lina didn't bat an eyelash while naming a sum Gourry thought was rather high for such a simple task. He noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye and suppressed a groan. If Lina wanted her money, she'd better finish up with the negotiations soon.

"That's highway robbery," the messenger managed to look both indignant and slightly panicked at the same time. "How about one gold."

"Do I look like an idiot?" Somehow, in spite of being several inches shorter, Lina gave the impression that she was towering over him. "One gold is the same as ten silver!" She flicked a glance at Gourry, then sighed, her shoulders briefly drooping. "Never mind," she said curtly to the messenger, and then started walking again. "C'mon, Gourry, I really don't think he needs our help all that badly."

Gourry shrugged and started following her.

"Wait!" the messenger called out again.

Lina stopped and turned around. "As much as I'd love to take your money, like I said, you really don't need our help." She looked over his shoulder, while thrusting out her chin. The messenger followed her gaze. "See? Your horse is right behind you."

While the messenger stared at his horse, which was calmly grazing by the side of the road, Gourry clapped him on the shoulder. "Rough day, huh?" he said sympathetically. The messenger nodded dully, and Gourry caught up to Lina, who had started walking again.

As much as Gourry felt for the poor guy, Lina had actually gone easy on him, although he doubted the messenger would believe it. _I never thought that if I actually tried to kiss her, she'd blow up someone else instead of me!_ The thought was quickly followed by the realization that he had tried to kiss Lina, but he hadn't actually succeeded. He hoped that once they were a safe distance away from the messenger, she would pause so they could pick up where they left off, but Lina showed no signs of stopping. "Why didn't you take his money?" he asked after a while.

"I wanted to, but he's an imperial messenger, which means he reports directly to the emperor. I don't mind having a reputation for driving a hard bargain when there is something of real value at stake, but not for something as ridiculous as that." Then she giggled. "Besides, the look on his face when he realized the horse was right behind him was worth more than five gold pieces!"

"Hmm." He wondered how he could get her to let him try to kiss her again.

"Gourry?" She sounded very serious, suddenly. Gourry's heart started thumping in his chest.

"Yeah?"

"Do we need to go the old part of Sairaag?"

"Oh." Sometimes it was really hard to keep up with her rapid mental shifts. "How'd you know we needed to go to the old city?"

Lina huffed in exasperation. She looked up to the heavens, and held her arms stiffly at her sides, her hand clenched into fists, while she stomped along. " _Because_ , Jellyfish, you asked the messenger if the garrison at Sairaag was near the old part of the city!"

Oh. He had asked that, hadn't he? Probably not the smartest thing to do at that, since it had made the guy suspicious, or it would have, but Lina had quickly smoothed things over. It never ceased to amaze him how much she could get away with, just by acting like an innocent young girl. It was an act she used to her advantage often, ever since he had known her and probably even before that. She actually seemed to enjoy tricking people with her charm.

"What was that?" Lina was in full-danger mode.

"Huh?" Gourry was _really_ having a hard time following the conversation right now. Maybe it was because the _last_ thing he wanted to be doing was talking, or walking for that matter.

"It sounded like you said, 'Maybe you trick people with your charm.' You muttered it under your breath. What's that got to do with the old part of Sairaag?" Her expression, even more than her words, suggested that if he didn't have a good answer, he was going to end up just like the messenger.

"'Maybe you trick people with your charm'?" Oblivious to the signs of an imminent eruption, Gourry tried to figure out why the words sounded so familiar, like something he had said once . . . about Lina?

"Gourry! Pay attention! Oh, for crying out . . . Bomb Di Wind!"

Gourry's ears popped from the abrupt change in pressure, then he was flying through the air. A sudden crack to the head, and he found himself sprawled against a tree, legs akimbo. He probably would have gone even farther if it hadn't been for the tree. He sat there dazed. The back of his head was beginning to throb, and a thin stream of blood trickled from his nose. His eyes refused to focus: there seemed to be two Linas standing in front of him, each surrounded by a golden haze. He stared at the double-image in confusion. Lina was shining like gold . . . it reminded him of something that he had seen before, but he couldn't get his wits together to figure out what. He saw her lips move, but no words seemed to come out . . . or maybe it was just that he couldn't hear over the ringing in his ears. Her look of annoyance was shifting to concern. He started to tell her that he was fine, but then everything started to fade out. The last thing he heard was Lina calling his name from very far away . . . a sudden warmth spread through his head . . . and then nothing.

* * *

"Gourry? Are you all right?" She hadn't meant for him to slam into the tree, but he had been wandering along beside her, muttering to himself and looking really confused. Usually, he just didn't pay attention, but this time, he had been focused on something else, instead of the conversation she was trying to have with him. She wanted to know why they were going to the old part of Sairaag, where they had fought both Copy Rezo and Hellmaster, but all he could do was stare off into space and mumble something about her tricking people. Her temper was already pretty frayed, and she had only wanted to get his attention, so he would actually look at her, instead of at _nothing_ , even if it was only to yell at her for throwing a spell at him for no real reason.

But instead of landing on his backside a few feet (okay, several yards) away, his momentum had been halted by a very solid tree. The sickening "crack" of the impact reminded her of the sound Phibrizzo's crystal had made when he began to shatter it. Blood was coming out of Gourry's nose, and he wasn't answering her, although she was practically yelling in his ear. Once, she had joked that if Gourry injured his head, at least he wouldn't hurt anything important, but now she was really worried. One of his pupils was so large that she could barely see the blue ringing it, while the other was very small. Then his eyes rolled back in his head, and he stiffened. Carefully, she leaned his head forward, only to find that his blond hair was matted with thick sticky blood. After quickly ripping off her gloves, she worked her fingers into his hair, moving carefully along his scalp. When she got close to the wound, Gourry moaned and she felt a ridge under her fingers. She was pretty sure that it wasn't supposed to be there, and she felt along the back of her own head in approximately the same location, oblivious to the fact that she was smearing Gourry's blood all over her hair in the process. She cast a healing spell, keeping her fingers in direct contact with Gourry, and although the blood flow stemmed, it did not stop altogether and the ridge underneath his scalp hadn't changed at all.

Lina took a deep breath and pushed aside the panic that threatened to overwhelm her. Gourry was seriously injured, beyond her capacity to heal. He needed a Recovery from someone who specialized in White Magic. After a moment's hesitation, Lina cast Ray Wing around herself and Gourry, and, funneling all her energy into the spell, sped off in the direction of Sairaag, hoping that a certain Shrine Maiden was still there.

Time became Lina's enemy as she did her best to accomplish a journey that should have taken the better part of a day on foot in as little time as possible. When she finally arrived outside the small stone building constructed on the site of Sylphiel's former home, it took her a moment to release the concentration on her spell after spending so much effort maintaining it. Her legs tried to buckle underneath her, but she refused to let them, and began pounding on the door instead. "Sylphiel!" _Please let her be here!_ Her fist didn't seem loud enough, so Lina pulled out her dagger and started banging on the door with the hilt, all the while shouting for Sylphiel. After what seemed an eternity, the door opened a crack. Using all her strength, Lina pushed the door open further, causing Sylphiel to stumble backwards and land hard on the floor. "Don't just sit there!" Lina grabbed the other girl by her arms, pulling her up and out the door. "You have to help Gourry!"

"Miss Lina?" Sylphiel was clearly startled and confused, but she quickly appraised the situation. "Help me get him inside," she said crisply as she placed her arms under Gourry's shoulders and cast levitation.

Lina quickly moved to Gourry's feet, helping Sylphiel guide him into the house and onto a bed. "It's his head." She clenched her hands around the bed frame, trying to remain upright as reaction and exhaustion began to kick in. "I think he cracked his skull."

Sylphiel nodded, and then held her hands over her head, closing her eyes in concentration. Lina watched Gourry's face closely, and eventually it relaxed, the lines of pain smoothing away. She hadn't noticed that his breathing was labored until it settled into a more normal rhythm. When Sylphiel let her hands fall, Lina looked at her questioningly.

"He needs to rest now," Sylphiel said quietly.

"Will he be okay?"

"I've healed the damage to his head, but we'll have to wait until he wakes up to know if his mind was injured as well."

Lina could only stare at Sylphiel.

"You don't look too good yourself." Sylphiel put her arm around Lina's shoulders and guided her out of the sleeping room, and over to a chair next to the fireplace. Lina sank gratefully into the chair, and Sylphiel poured hot water into a mug, scooping in herbs and a generous helping of sugar. "Here, drink this." She pressed the cup into Lina's hands.

Lina wrapped both hands around the mug, feeling the warmth seep into her hands, and she realized with a start that she had forgotten her gloves in her haste to get Gourry here. She stared into the liquid, and then lifted it to her face, taking a cautious sip. The tea was just on the verge of being too sweet, but after a couple of swallows, Lina felt better, and she lifted her head, meeting Sylphiel's gaze for the first time.

"So, Miss Lina," Sylphiel's face was serious, but there was a glint in her eye. "Did you decide to whack Dear Gourry on the head to take his Sword of Light?"

Lina knew Sylphiel was trying to lighten the mood, but her jest was too close to the truth. "That isn't funny."

Sylphiel flushed. "I'm sorry. What did happen?"

Lina looked down into her cup again, and saw her reflection looking back at her. "I didn't mean for him to get hurt," she said softly. "I just wanted to get his attention." Lina lifted her head then, and looked straight into Sylphiel's eyes, her gaze clear and unwavering. "He deserves better than me. He deserves someone like you."

Sylphiel returned her look for quite some time, neither of them speaking. Lina was not surprised by the pain she saw in the other girl's eyes, but she was startled to realize that the pain was tempered by relief. "But he doesn't want a girl like me," Sylphiel finally broke the silence, although she continued to look straight at Lina. "He wants you."

Lina broke the tableau, unable to endure the knowledge reflected in Sylphiel's deep green eyes any longer. "The gods only know why," she muttered under her breath.

Sylphiel stood up, and moved over to the window. She lifted a rose-colored curtain and stared outside. "The first time I saw Dear Gourry, he was unconscious, just as he was when you brought him here earlier. I healed him, and brought him home. My father . . ." she paused, swallowing convulsively. " My father recognized Dear Gourry's sword, which marked him as a descendent of the Swordsman of Light who slew the Demon-Beast Zannafar and planted the Holy Tree Flagoon." Sylphiel let the curtain fall, smoothing it out as she spoke. "I loved Flagoon. And I began to love Dear Gourry, too." She turned around, and her lips were curved in a small wistful smile. "He enjoyed my cooking, and he always treated me with great kindness." Her smile faded. "But when he left, I knew he didn't love me."

"Sylphiel . . ." Lina trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Miss Lina, when I first met you, I could see right away how you had captured my Dear Gourry's heart. And even though you denied it, I think I suspected then that he had captured yours as well."

Lina felt her cheeks grow hot. "So you knew, too. It seems like everybody knows how I felt about Gourry. Except me."

Sylphiel didn't answer right away. She cocked her head to the side, and then went to the door and opened it. A small gray cat was sitting on the door step, purring loudly. It regally entered the room, and then sat on its haunches next to the table across from the fire. Sylphiel placed a small dish filled with scraps in front of the cat, and scratched between its ears before standing up again. The cat sniffed at the offering before it, took a few dainty bites, and then leapt into Lina's lap. Lina was startled at first, but when the cat curled up and began to purr, she gently stroked its back, reveling in the soft silky feel of its fur against her hand. "When we first met you that time, when there was a price on our heads, I didn't want to like you." Lina continued petting the cat. "I think I felt threatened by you, but I don't think I knew exactly why. But that was only at the beginning. After Copy Rezo destroyed Sairaag, it just didn't bother me any more." Lina paused. "I never did thank you."

"For what?" Sylphiel looked startled.

"For coming with me to Hellmaster's temple."

Sylphiel didn't answer. She wandered over to the fireplace and began rearranging small objects on the mantel. Then she turned around. "Miss Lina?"

Lina looked up. Sylphiel was smiling, a true smile that reached her eyes. "My Dear Gourry does deserve someone like you."

Lina could only gape at her.

"You would move heaven and earth to save him. In fact, you have. But you demand nothing in return from him. I don't think anyone could resist such feelings."

Lina considered Sylphiel's words and wondered if they were true. Then she suddenly realized something. "Sylphiel, what really happened after I cast the Giga Slave?"

Sylphiel's expression turned grave. "You sacrificed all you were. You were consumed by the chaos that exists within the Lord of Nightmares. She destroyed Hellmaster because of the pure wish you sent her to save Gourry."

Lina's brow furrowed. "Then why am I here now?"

"I don't know."

Lina sighed. 

"Does it really matter?" Sylphiel's question took Lina by surprise.

"Yes. No. . . . Oh, I don't know . . ." She lifted the cat off her lap and gently dropped it on the floor before standing up herself. "I'm gonna go sit with Gourry for a while, 'kay?" Without waiting for an answer, Lina turned and entered the sleeping room. She sank to her knees next to the bed and smoothed Gourry's hair away from his face, whispering, "You really are a jellyfish, you know?" She crossed her arms on the bed and rested her chin on them, hardly aware that her eyes were drifting shut.

Behind her, Sylphiel quietly closed the door on the sleeping sorceress and swordsman. _Goodbye, my Dear Gourry._

* * *

"No!" Gourry awoke to the sound of someone shouting, and realized that it had been him. He had been dreaming, but the details were fading fast. Something about Lina shining like gold and rising into the sky, but it was superimposed with a double-image of Lina shouting something at him that he couldn't hear. Gourry's surroundings only served to increase his sense of disorientation. The last thing he remembered, they were walking to Sairaag. Now, he was alone laying on a bed that was just slightly too short for him, while the setting sun shone through one small window, turning the stone walls into burnished copper. The back of his head felt tender, he had a residual headache, and the insides of his nostrils were itching like crazy—all the after effects of a good whack on the head. Gourry sat up and gingerly reached back to examine the damage. His hair was matted and slightly sticky, and underneath it was sore, but there seemed to be no scab. _Lina probably healed me_ , he thought. The evidence of an injury explained why he seemed to be missing several hours, if not how he came to be in a strange bed.

As he sat up, the door to the room opened. "Are you alright, Gourry?" The voice was definitely not Lina's. It was lower-pitched and soft with concern. A lamp burning in the other room cast her features into shadow, but it looked an awful lot like . . .

"Sylphiel?"

Sylphiel entered the room, opening the door all the way so that light flooded in. She laid a professional hand on his forehead, and peered carefully into his eyes, then smiled in relief.

"Sylphiel, what are you doing here?" Somehow, even though they were supposed to be close to Sairaag, Sylphiel was the last person he was expecting to see.

"Miss Lina brought you here after you were injured. We were very worried. You've been asleep for more than a day." A frown crossed her face, and she seemed to be considering what to say next.

More than a day . . . that would explain why his bladder felt like it was ready to explode. "Um, Sylphiel . . . I kinda . . . well . . ." Gourry fumbled around, trying to think of the best way to ask her for some privacy, and resisted the urge to fidget and cross his legs.

Sylphiel blushed. "I'll go warm up something for you to eat. You must be hungry." She left the room, closing the door firmly.

Gourry sighed in relief, and looked around, noting Lina's pack leaning near the door, as well as a screened-off area that he hoped hid the night pot. He stood up quickly, then paused to wait for a surge of dizziness to pass. Unfortunately the world refused to straighten itself, and Gourry felt his stomach roil in protest, so he sat back down on the bed and put his head between his knees. Once the ground no longer gave the appearance of wanting to rise up and meet him, and his stomach stopped trying to empty itself of its contents, Gourry tried standing up again, this time much slower, to avoid a repeat performance.

_Gods, I'm a mess_. Gourry grimaced as he made his way slowly to the screen. Fortunately the dizziness didn't return, but all his muscles felt weak and the back of his head had started throbbing.

A few moments later, his business with the night pot completed, Gourry eased himself into a chair at Sylphiel's table. Sylphiel was busy at her stove, although she kept looking at him strangely. Gourry sat quietly, trying to figure out why she seemed different. She looked the same, but there was something . . . Then she placed a full plate of food in front of him, and he dismissed the issue. He was looking forward to filling up on one of her fantastic home-cooked meals, but as he raised a forkful of food to his mouth to take a bite, he reconsidered when his stomach suddenly protested. "Um, Sylphiel," Gourry pushed the plate away. "I'm really sorry, but I'm not all that hungry right now."

"Oh." Sylphiel blushed. "I'm the one who should apologize. I should have realized you would need something lighter." She started bustling at her stove again, and soon placed a cup of mild tea and a bowl of boiled grains in front of him. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "You really should eat something to help you regain your strength."

Under normal circumstances, Gourry never ate gruel, but at the moment, it was much more appealing than the heavy meal Sylphiel had presented him with. As he took slow spoonfuls of the cereal, interspersed with small sips of tea, he began to feel better, at least physically. Something was gnawing at the edge of his awareness, a growing sense that something was wrong, aside from the fact that Sylphiel wouldn't look at him. She was sitting silently at the other end of the table, staring at her hands folded in her lap. Suddenly, he realized what was bothering him. "Where's Lina?"

"Miss Lina said she needed some time alone. She's been gone since mid-day." Sylphiel refused to meet his eyes.

"Since mid-day!" Gourry started to stand up, but then sat back down, and pulled the plate full of Sylphiel's home-cooking towards him. Speaking quite firmly to his stomach, warning it against any further displays, Gourry began to eat, picking up speed when his belly put up no further objections. He needed his strength, more than a bowl full of gruel could provide. Lina was alone in Sairaag, and all his instincts were screaming at him to find her, sooner rather than later.

Sylphiel continued to sit quietly, although she watched him in obvious concern as he proceeded to polish off his plate. A couple times he saw her take a deep breath as if to say something, but then she would change her mind. His nerves were already jangling at the thought of Lina being off somewhere alone since mid-day, and Sylphiel's odd behavior was only making it worse. It also made the food taste like ash, instead of full of flavor like it should be. When he finished, he stood up. "Thanks, Sylphiel," he tried to smile at her, but it came off as a grimace, and then went into the room where he had seen their packs.

He returned to the main room with his armor and sword, and she finally spoke. "What are you doing?" She stood up so fast that she knocked over the chair she had been sitting in.

"I have to find Lina." Gourry buckled his shoulder guards in place and hoped she wouldn't ask him to explain. He barely understood the strange insistent feeling himself. After he attached his sword to his belt, he looked up, and was startled to see tears in Sylphiel's eyes. "Sylphiel . . ."

"No. Don't say anything." She reached up to wipe a tear away with her finger, and offered him a watery smile. "Just . . . please . . . be careful," she whispered.

Gourry walked over to Sylphiel and reached out a hand, intending to place it on her shoulder. He remembered how he had comforted her after Sairaag had been destroyed, when he had helped her bring more wood to their makeshift campsite in a ruined building. Lina's words echoed in his mind, _she's in love with you, you know_. He had known, and he wondered, as he had in the past, why he didn't return her feelings, why he could only think of her as a younger sister and not as a partner or equal. He liked Sylphiel. She was kind and gentle, and a great cook besides, but . . she wasn't Lina, and he saw in her eyes that she knew it. This time, he couldn't help her; his attempt would only hurt her more. Gourry let his hand fell back to his side. Sylphiel broke the tableau first, turning to right her chair. He wanted to apologize . . . he wanted to thank her . . . and most of all, he wished he could think of some way to go without feeling like a total insensitive jerk for leaving her to chase after another woman.

"Did you really learn how to cast the Dragon Slave?" _What made me ask that?_

Sylphiel threw a startled look over her shoulder, then turned around. "Did Miss Lina tell you that?"

Gourry nodded.

She smiled ruefully, then laughed. "It's funny, isn't it. I can't cast a Flare Arrow properly, but I managed to learn the most powerful attack spell in Black Magic . . ." For the first time since he had come out into the main room, Sylphiel looked straight at him. "It's okay, Gourry. Go and find Miss Lina." She started clearing the table, humming softly to herself.

As he walked away from Sylphiel's house, Gourry headed unerringly for the Miasma Forest, or at least the place that used the be the Forest. Like Flagoon, it seemed to be gone now. _It's in the old city. I'll find it there . . ._ Gourry just wished he knew what "it" was and why he had this need to return to Sairaag. He also hoped he could find Lina quickly, because he was still feeling the residual effects of his injury. The food had helped and he didn't feel as weak and dizzy anymore, but his head was throbbing in time with his footsteps. He paused at the edge of a pool of water, scooping some up with his hands to drink, and splashing some on his face. The sky had deepened to a dark blue, and the moon hung close to the earth, a huge crescent that bathed the landscape in a soft light and made the water glow. Crumbled marble columns ringed the pool, drinking in the moon's radiance and reflecting it back. The effect was oddly eerie, making it seem brighter than it normally would be on a night when the moon was less than half full. Gourry felt a chill of foreboding, and then the memories crashed upon him.

It was here, the old part of Sairaag, the place he had felt drawn to. This was where Hellmaster had created his temple, where he had encased the souls of the dead within a giant crystal. This is where Hellmaster had punished him for defying his control and holding back at the end of the battle with Lina and the others. He could hear Hellmaster's childish laughter as he watched cold crystal creep up his body, moving with liquid tendrils, caressing him intimately. He shuddered with the memory, but although the slow progress of the crystal had been obscene, it was still better than the nothingness that had come after. He could no longer feel, no longer see or hear, but he remained aware, struggling to breathe, but muscles that usually performed the task automatically refused to obey him. And finally, after an agonizing eternity, he was released, only to see Lina, glowing and shining like gold, talking to them and sounding so different, so serious and solemn and deep. And then she had started to leave, rising straight up into the sky, moving towards a huge black ball that hung in the air, just as the moon was hanging now. He remembered! The terror and agony as he tried to follow her; he couldn't let her go, he was going to save her! Everything was being pulled into the black ball of energy, huge black rocks from the ground rushed to merge with chaos, and he jumped from rock to rock, but he wasn't fast enough. Lina disappeared, and he followed her willingly into oblivion, shouting her name until his throat was raw.

Gourry pounded his fists on the ground in frustration brought on by emotions he had forgotten. He had lost her here! He had watched her turn away from him, unable to stop her as she moved farther and farther away. She had been always just out of his reach, nothing he had said seemed to touch her, or even slow her down. _Maybe you're stubborn and sort of perverse . . ._ he had told her. _Maybe you trick other people with your charm . . ._ _Maybe you look down on anyone who's weaker than you, but . . . I need you!_ And he still did. This whole trip here, Lina had been moving farther and farther away from him, withdrawing into herself, just as she had retreated into the center of a golden-blue-black sea of chaos. His words had changed nothing, and just as he managed to grasp her arms, she had disappeared, leaving him . . . alone . . . unable, _unwilling_ , to move. _But not this time,_ Gourry silently vowed as he stood up. _This time, I_ will _find her. I'll save her, and I'll never let her go again_.

He walked around the edge of the shallow pool, straining all of his senses for any trace of his red-haired sorceress, but the only sign of life came from a chorus of bullfrogs and chirping crickets. The incessant sound, combined with the surreal glow of the landscape made him feel off-balance. Finally, as he approached the far side of the water, Gourry noticed something in the distance: a tiny figure standing on a broken column amid a pile of rubble. He quickened his pace.

Lina was standing motionless, staring out into space, and he wondered what she was doing all the way over here. He opened his mouth to call out to her, but something made him stop. Maybe it was the expression on her face. All her masks were gone, but he wasn't sure he liked what he saw. Lina was clearly suffering. She wasn't crying, but the haunted look he had grown to hate on this journey had spilled over so that it was no longer confined to her eyes, but had consumed her entire expression.

She didn't notice him approaching, or if she did, she chose to ignore him. "Lina," he called out softly, his voice carrying through the night air.

Her shoulders stiffened at the sound of his voice, and he caught a trace of panic flitting across her face, before she turned away from him. "Leave me alone, please?" Her voice hitched as she spoke.

Gourry froze. Her words were pushing him away, but her pain was calling to him. Lina needed comfort, and he wanted very badly to assure himself that she was really still there. Ignoring the ill-effects he was still feeling, he climbed up onto the pillar behind her. Quickly closing the distance between them, he enclosed her in his arms. She stiffened at first, but he gently tightened his grasp, one arm crossing above her chest to her shoulder, the other going around her waist. She seemed prepared to struggle against him, but then suddenly she relaxed and leaned into him, her right arm resting on his, her left hand holding his other arm in place. She said nothing. He said nothing. They just stood under an enormous crescent moon, taking solace from each other in the desolate landscape of a ruined city.

* * *

Lina leaned back into Gourry's arms, outwardly still, but her thoughts continued to circle endlessly. She had been wandering aimlessly about the ruins of Old Sairaag for most of the day, no longer able to take the waiting and inactivity at Sylphiel's. Unable to watch the shrine maiden go about her domestic chores, hoping that Gourry would be okay . . . that he would wake up and still be Gourry. Sylphiel had done her best, but the head was such a special part of the body, and it was impossible to predict the effect of a head injury. Some people seemed normal, but were given to sudden unpredictable bouts of violence. Others couldn't remember who they were or anything about their past. One time, she had visited a curio shop in a small village. The proprietor had given her quite a good price on a small collection of rare coins she had found, after she had given him an earful for referring to her as a little girl. He had seemed quite nice, but when she went back later that day, he acted as if he had never seen her before or bought coins from her, and greeted her once again as "little girl". Lina's shrieks of frustration had brought his wife into the room. It turned out that his head had been injured years before, and he remembered everything before the accident fine, but he couldn't remember anything that ever happened after.

Lina wondered what she would do if Gourry's mind had been injured, if he couldn't remember her or if he acted like a different person. Would he still want to be with her? Would they still fight over food? Would he remember that he had planned to protect her for the rest of her life? What if he never woke up, but spent the rest of his life in a state of sleep? And even worse than the "what if" questions was the knowledge that anything that happened would be her fault. It didn't matter that she hadn't intended to hurl him straight into a tree . . . she was the one who had cast the spell in a moment of frustration. Lina didn't want to imagine going through the rest of her life without the Gourry she knew. It would be like those days when Phibrizzo had Gourry, but with very little hope of rescuing him. She could see herself becoming like Zelgadis, always bent on finding a cure, to turn Gourry's mind back to normal.

By mid-day, Gourry still hadn't awoken, even though he had been asleep for nearly a full day. She couldn't take Sylphiel's quiet, her calmness, or the underlying sadness, any longer, she just had to get out. So she wandered about the ruins of Old Sairaag, wondering what it was Gourry thought he would find here.

She knew what she found here: reminders of failure and humiliation. Standing by the shallow pool of water, she realized that this was the place where her memories picked up again, where she had found herself standing on an arch in the circle of Gourry's arms . . . she had been so relieved . . . until Gourry had yelled in her ear, as if he had no idea what he was doing. Her reaction had been typical, her normal tendency towards violence amplified by the humiliation that Zel and Amelia, and Sylphiel, had seen Gourry's reaction, had seen him reject her. So she had rejected him even harder. All an act, to cover up the disorientation and pain she was feeling. That time she hadn't hurt him. This time . . . her tendency to hurt first and think later could have much more dire consequences.

"Lina." Gourry's voice was very low and deep, right by her ear. She realized there were tears coursing down her face, she could see dark spots where they had dampened the leather of Gourry's arm guards. She stiffened, but Gourry didn't release her. If anything, he tightened his grasp, but it was surprisingly comforting, not painful.

"Lina," Gourry repeated her name in that same solemn voice. "Do you know where we are?"

It seemed like such a silly question, and she started to bite out a stinging retort, but stopped herself and gave a curt nod instead, not trusting her voice.

"This is where we kissed for the very first time."

"What?" Lina turned around in his arms, wondering if her display of temper the other day actually had damaged his mind as well as his skull. His face was drawn, like he was in pain, but his eyes were clear and alert. They were also . . . hungry. Time seemed to slow as she felt Gourry's hand tilt up her chin. All thoughts of what his cryptic statement meant fled her mind as his face inclined towards hers, and her eyes drifted closed, seemingly of their own accord. Her breath hitched in the back of her throat, and then she felt his lips, gently brush over hers. Just a feather-light touch . . . and then he pulled his head back. Lina opened her eyes to see Gourry looking at her very seriously. He cupped her face with his hand and brushed away the tracks left by her tears. She leaned her cheek unconsciously into his caress.

"Then you decked me, and I landed in that pool of water over there," Gourry jerked his head in the general direction of the pool.

Lina blushed. "I . . . I mean . . . you . . . they . . ." She stopped and took a deep breath. When she opened her mouth again, Gourry covered it with his index finger, forestalling her.

"It was dark, for a long time, and I couldn't do anything about it . . ." Gourry's eyes stared off over her shoulder, focused on something only he could see.

Lina considered his words, her brow furrowing as she tried to make sense of them. "Gourry . . ."

"The first thing I saw was you." Gourry continued as though she hadn't spoken, although his gaze had shifted, and now he held her eyes with his own. "But it wasn't you. You were glowing golden and the way you were talking . . ." He swallowed convulsively. "You said Lina was gone . . . you had sacrificed yourself . . ." Gourry paused, and then whispered, "you had sacrificed yourself for me."

Lina recoiled. She could hear Sylphiel telling her gravely that she had sacrificed all that she was, and she remembered what she had been thinking, just before she lost control of the Gigaslave. She had just wanted the power to defeat Phibrizzo, no matter what its source. What happened to her was irrelevant, as long as she could save Gourry . . . that was the only thing that had mattered to her . . . she had watched Phibrizzo kill her friends, one by one, powerless to stop him . . . she hadn't even tried to cast the Ragna Blade on him . . . until he had tried to shatter Gourry's crystal. Then, the only thought in her mind had been to save Gourry. Nothing else was important.

"Then you started to leave." Gourry drew a ragged breath and continued. "I chased you, but I could never catch you, no matter how hard I tried!" His voice cracked with remembered anguish.

Something pulled at the edges of Lina's memory, a tattered impression of Gourry calling after her as she moved further and further away. It was like a scene from her nightmares, where she was surrounded by golden blackness in an endless sea of blue, and no matter how hard she tried to change direction, or answer Gourry, it was if her will was not strong enough to overcome the force that dragged her away. She had always thought that nightmare had come from when Phibrizzo had dragged Gourry away in an inky cloud of darkness, but now she wasn't so sure.

"When she took you away from me . . . as you faded away . . ." Gourry closed his eyes. Lina saw something glisten on his cheek. "I had never felt so alone. You were gone, and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I wished I could fade away, too."

Hesitantly, slowly, as if she were pushing through a thick barrier, Lina reached out, and mimicking Gourry's gesture from earlier, she laid her hand on his cheek and wiped under his eyes, feeling the moisture of his tears seep into her gloves. In her mind's eye, she could see him without his armor, hunched over and hanging his head, as she shattered into a million pieces. She should not have survived that sundering of her being, but somehow, she remained aware, and she struggled against the urge to drift into nothingness. Do not fight it, a sonorous voice had surrounded her, covering her the way a mother covers her children when she puts them to bed, making it even more difficult to remember who she was or what she was doing. Be at peace. Be one with me. She had started to relax, and then she felt it: Gourry's despair crashing over her. It had stung, like a slap in the face, but it had reminded her that everything she was, everything she had done was to save this man who was now suffering as a result. Instead of dissipating into the Sea of Chaos, she drew closer to him, moving against the currents of anguish that flowed outwards like ripples in a pond. She struggled to rebuild her fractured awareness, stubbornly exerting her will against the compulsion to relax and let go. And then suddenly, she had heard the same voice again, sounding both petulant and grudgingly respectful, giving her leave to return.

"I came back, didn't I?" Lina tried to keep her voice from shaking as her fingers traced a pattern across his cheek and over his lips.

Gourry shuddered, making a sound that was both a laugh and a sob, then he caught her hand in his own, halting her tentative exploration. "You remember?"

Lina shook her head. "Not really . . . sort of . . . it's like the memory of a dream. But I'm here, so I must have come back, right?" Lina faltered. Gourry continued to hold her hand, idly tracing a pattern over her knuckles. The ghost of remembered anguish was still in his eyes, but there was something else there as well, lurking behind iron restraint.

"Yes, you came back. You just kinda fizzled in from a rainbow shimmer. And you smiled at me, the first time I'd ever seen you look so happy. It was the first time I had ever seen you so open and undefended." Gourry smiled at her, his eyes bright with remembered emotions, his voice as soft and intimate as a caress. "And then we kissed." He paused, and Lina couldn't read his expression. "Then you threw a vicious right hook that sent me flying."

Lina looked down. "So you said earlier."

Gourry tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him. "Why did you do that, Lina?"

Lina blushed, but she met his gaze defiantly. "Why did you jerk away from me?"

"I don't know." Gourry had the grace to look embarrassed. "I think I was confused, and I couldn't figure out how I was holding you." He ducked his head. "I didn't remember then how we got there. I think I didn't want you to hit me. And you did, anyways. You said I had stolen your innocence. I was scared that you remembered something that I didn't."

"And that's why you jerked away?"

Gourry nodded. "Why did you hit me?"

"Does it matter?" Lina wished he would stop focusing on it so much. Even more, she wished she could forget that it had been reflexive, and the exact opposite of what she had wanted.

"Oh, it matters, Lina." Gourry's intensity surprised her. "It matters to you, and it matters to me."

Lina stared at him a moment. "It just happened. I didn't want you to let go . . . and everyone was watching . . ." Lina trailed off but she didn't look away. Her words were an admission of vulnerability. They were also a feeble excuse.

Gourry didn't say anything, but Lina caught a flicker of exultation in his eyes. The intensity of expression didn't change, but it shifted from tight restraint to one of self-satisfaction that verged on being smug. Then, in one smooth movement, he sat down, crossing his legs, and pulling Lina into his lap. "So where does that leave us now?" Gourry cradled her with one arm, while he ran his other hand through her hair. His voice was pitched low, and his touch was so intimate. Lina wanted to sigh and relax into his arms, but it just seemed too prosaic.

"I'd say, it leaves you in a rather dangerous position," Lina pitched her voice low, but her hand snaked around the back of his neck and the mischievous glint in her eyes changed her words from a veiled threat to a subtle challenge.

"But that's just the problem," Gourry twined a strand of her hair around his fingers. "You are a dangerous woman. Every time I try to get close to you, I seem to end up flying through the air."

Lina slid her hand along the back side of his head, gently feeling the place Sylphiel had healed, and drew her fingers back when Gourry inhaled sharply and winced. She brought her hand around to his chin and tilted his head so that she could see both of his eyes. "You're not flying through the air now." She held his gaze, all traces of teasing gone as she made a silent vow.

Gourry's eyes widened, and Lina wondered if he understood the promise she was making. "I realized a long time ago," Gourry freed his fingers from her hair, stroking errant strands from her face, "that all the times you hit me, it was your own way of showing affection . . ." 

Lina laughed softly, but without humor. "More like trying to deny that there was a connection between us, keeping you from getting too close . . . not the best way to treat someone you . . ." Lina broke off. Gourry said nothing, but his hand moved from her hair to her shoulder, and then trailed every-so-slowly down her arm. His touch was gentle, but it was far from innocent, and it made her jumpy in a way she couldn't define. She had the strongest urge to throw both arms around his neck and drag his face down to hers . . . After a drawn out pause, Lina sighed.

"Gourry," Lina tried to focus both his attention and hers, so she could say what she needed to say. She clasped his hand in hers to prevent it from distracting her further, an effort that backfired when his fingers began to caress the back of her hand, and she found herself concentrating on his touch. "Gourry," she repeated.

"Yes, Lina?" Gourry lifted her hand to his lips, speaking between kisses placed on her palm.

Lina shuddered in pleasure, and made yet another attempt. "I . . . I . . . I have to tell you . . ." her words trailed off, and in the back of her mind, a small part of her wondered what had gotten into Gourry that he was acting like this, and why she was letting him keep the upper hand, but the rest of her mind, and all of her body was screaming at her to let go and just enjoy this closeness, to accept what she had wanted for so long.

Gourry smiled at her, both languid and feral, and he pulled her violet glove off, gently kissing her bare fingertips. "Tell me what?"

Lina drew in her breath, trying to gather her wits yet again, and then groaned when she felt his lips moving along her neck and up to her jaw line.

"Tell me what?" Gourry repeated. He pulled back, but regarded her with a smug expression.

Lina just stared at him mutely.

Gourry chuckled low in his throat. "Imagine that! Lina Inverse speechless!"

Lina stiffened and tried to pull herself out of his grasp, but once again he held her in place, so she settled for giving him one of her patented death glares.

Gourry was unperturbed by the violence her expression promised and tapped her on the nose with his index finger. "Would you ever let anyone else hold you like this?"

"No." His question was so unexpected, Lina answered before she even considered her response.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course," she did not even hesitate. Gourry may be her self-appointed protector, but there was no one else she would trust the job to, no one else who could claim such a title with impunity.

Gourry sighed. "For the past few days, I've watched you close in on yourself, going somewhere I couldn't follow, suffering from demons I couldn't protect you from." Gourry paused, considering his next words carefully. "Do you know what I forgot here? That thing I needed to come back here and find?"

Lina shook her head, waiting for his answer.

"I forgot that when I took you in my arms, you gave yourself to me, completely and without reservations. I had to come back here, so that I could find you."

He leaned forward then to kiss her, but she stopped him by placing her hands gently on his chest. "I promise," she said fervently, "I promise that I will never hurt you on purpose again, with my magic or my fists."

Gourry smiled, and the feral look returned to his eyes. "But Lina," he drawled, "how else are you going to show your affection?"

"I'll figure something out," she purred as she ran both hands up his chest and around his neck, and then pulled him down to claim the kiss she had been waiting for ever since she and Gourry had returned from the Lord of Nightmare's Sea of Chaos.

* * *

After a moment, Lina pulled back. "You're too tall," she complained while rubbing the back of her neck. After considering briefly, Lina sat up and turned so that she was kneeling, straddling Gourry's legs. She draped her arms over his shoulders. "Much better," she whispered huskily into his ear and experimented with kissing his neck the way he had kissed hers earlier. Gourry groaned in a way that brought her a great deal of satisfaction, but at the same time made her feel incredibly antsy. She sat down on his legs and ran her hands down his arms, bringing his fingers up to her lips, gently kissing the tips.

"Lina . . ." Gourry closed his eyes and his free hand worked under her cloak and ran up and down her back. Lina decided she liked the way he said her name in a voice thick with arousal. She released his hand, and it immediately snaked behind her, pulling her close and giving her a direct demonstration of exactly how hard his armor was.

"Ouch! Your breastplate is in the way!" Lina rubbed her nose in irritation. Then she reached behind Gourry and started fumbling with the complex set of buckles that kept his armor in place. 

Gourry grew very still, and then he grasped her arms at the elbows, pulling her hands away from their task. Lina pouted briefly, then her eyes grew unfocused. "Unlock," she whispered, and Gourry's armor fell to the ground as the buckles suddenly came undone. Lina ignored Gourry's startled yelp, and with a wicked gleam in her eye and a smug look of self-satisfaction, she ran her hands over Gourry's chest, smoothing out the creases his armor had left in his shirt. "Much better," she murmured, and then she reclaimed his lips. It was just like the first time, when they had kissed in the Sea of Chaos. Lina suddenly realized something, and she pulled away, looking at Gourry speculatively.

"What?" There was a slight flush on his cheeks, and his eyes were very clear and bright.

"Well," Lina paused, "you know how you said this was where we kissed for the first time?"

"Yeah?"

"Where was your armor?" She rapped a knuckle against his chest.

"Hunh?"

"You weren't wearing your armor." Lina closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body close, and laying her head against his chest to hear the steady thump of his heart. "It felt just like this, no clunky metal in the way."

Gourry's hand moved through her hair as she listened to his heart beat. When he didn't answer her question, she leaned back. "Hey, anybody in there?"

Gourry looked down. "I'm trying to remember . . . I guess it must have been when I followed you into that black ball . . . I had to force my way through and stuff was flying past me all over the place. I didn't pay much attention, though . . . I was trying to catch you . . ." Gourry's arms tightened around her. ". . . but you were always right out of reach."

She remembered again that wave of despair that she had felt, making her resist the urge to lose herself in the Sea of Chaos. She reached up and stroked his cheek, "I think," she said slowly, "that it was your pain that made me come back from the Lord of Nightmares. Everything I had done, casting the Gigaslave, had been to save you. It wasn't right that you should still be suffering."

"Lina, it means nothing without you, don't you understand that?" Gourry swallowed convulsively. "You dying to save the rest of us, to save me, it's not worth it. You would save me for nothing." 

Lina felt herself go cold and tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, I'm the heroine, don't you know," she jabbed him in the ribs. "I'm supposed to do heroic stuff like sacrificing myself to save my companions."

Gourry sighed. Then he offered her a weak smile. "Well, I'm the heroine's protector, and I'm supposed to make sure she doesn't get herself killed doing heroic stuff."

Lina suppressed the urge to giggle. "I don't really need a protector, you know."

Gourry regarded her skeptically.

"Well I don't," Lina insisted defensively.

"What about 'that time of the month'?"

Lina shrugged. "Usually it isn't much of a problem, I just hang low for a few days until I get my magic back." She tapped him on the nose. "I may be the heroine, but that doesn't mean I'm always involved in bone-crushing struggles between good and evil." Lina paused. " _And_ , it wouldn't even be a problem if we had found the 'Essence of Burundi' like I'd wanted to."

"The what?"

"The 'Essence of Burundi.'" Lina stared over Gourry's shoulder at the moon, then turned her attention back to him. "It's a magic item similar to the Reefler we went after once."

Gourry looked at her blankly. "The Reefler?"

Lina huffed in exasperation. "Yes, the Reefler. Remember? It was a magic device that stored a spell until someone else touched it. We found it in some old ruins, but it was guarded by a bunch of golems that kept chasing us all over the place. Finally, I cast a Dragon Slave on it and tossed it back at the golems. Sound familiar?"

Gourry's eyes unfocused as he looked up, considering. "Didn't your spell wreck it though?"

"Yeah," Lina sighed in regret at the memory. Then she got excited again. "But the 'Essence of Burundi' is rumored to be able to store multiple spells. That could really come in handy . . . What?" The last was directed at Gourry, who was grinning.

"You're talking to me again, Lina," he said happily, smoothing a lock of hair away from her eyes. "You're talking to me just like you used to."

Lina blushed. He was right in one sense. She hadn't felt so comfortable with him since before they started this trip to Sairaag. But his comment reminded her of where exactly she was, that she was actually closer to him than she had ever been, with the exception of that one time in the Sea of Chaos. She realized with a start that their physical closeness hadn't changed everything. She had always thought that love and friendship were two different things, or at least that romantic love was different from friendship. That was one of the reasons she had hesitated to change things, even when Amelia and Martina had suggested that there was something more between her and Gourry. She didn't want to change the friendship they had. But here at this moment, she wondered if she had been wrong, because it felt _right_ to be so close to him, to feel his hands in her hair, his fingers caressing the back of her neck. It felt right, but it was not enough. The clear, almost glassy look in Gourry's eyes made her want more. She leaned forward and draped her arms over his shoulders. "Now, where were we?" she whispered huskily.

Gourry cocked his head. "I think we were talking about the 'Cents of Rubundi'," he said with a straight face.

"Gourry!" Lina glared at him, and willed her fists to unclench. 

"But Lina, that's what you were talk . . ." Lina cut him off with a kiss, which he eagerly returned. Then Lina felt his lips part and his tongue invade her mouth. She smugly noted that a kiss seemed to shut him up more effectively than putting him in a headlock, not that she would ever kiss him in public, in front of other people. But here, where it was just the two of them, she didn't have to worry about what others might think. 

It did not take long to recapture the mood interrupted by their conversation. Lina ran her hands up and down Gourry's back as he clasped her body close to him, placing both arms around her shoulders. One hand caressed the nape of her neck, while the other slowly stroked lazy circles down to the small of her back. She nibbled on his lower lip, then down his chin and along his jaw line. When she reached his ear, she softly exhaled while kissing along the cords of his neck, until she reached the top of his shirt, and then she returned to his lips. Gourry's hands moved from her back to her sides, stroking up with a touch that began feather-light, but grew bolder when Lina tightened her thighs around Gourry's legs and pushed herself up and closer to him. Her breath began to come faster, and Lina gave herself up to the sensations coursing through her, not thinking, just wanting the pleasure of Gourry's touch to go on forever. 

Gourry was also breathing harder, and as he shifted beneath her, Lina began to feel powerful and giddy, so similar, and yet also different from the way she felt even when casting the strongest spells. Gourry was the one responding to the summons of her lips, tongue, and hands. She longed to master the power coursing through her, to channel it and bend it to her will as she would the forces of magic. But as enjoyable as it was to be so physically close to Gourry, closer than she had ever allowed anyone to be, it wasn't enough. She couldn't focus the heat that was pooling low in her abdomen the way she would shape energy from Dark Lords or an Elemental Spirit. In fact, the more she tried, the weaker it became. She snarled in frustration, and kissed Gourry so deeply that she was gasping for breath when he gently pulled away. To Lina's surprise, he picked up the glove he had removed earlier, and after kissing the center of her palm, he started putting it back on her hand.

"Gourry?" Lina pulled her hand back as if it had been burned. 

Gourry stared down at the glove he still held with an expression of intense concentration. Then he stood up abruptly, unceremoniously dumping Lina in the process. "We have to stop. Now." He tossed her glove into her lap and started to put his armor back on. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Lina couldn't believe that he was pulling away from her, and as she clenched her hands into fists, she realized that her earlier promise might be tested sooner than she had thought.

Gourry was having a hard time with his armor. It clattered a great deal, and Lina noticed that his hands were shaking. He finally gave up on it, and threw it over his shoulder. Then he jumped off the pillar and held out his hand to help her down. Lina slowly stood up, realizing that Gourry wasn't the only one shaking. She stubbornly held her ground, placing both hands on her hips. "What's going on?" She refused to move until she got an explanation.

"Lina . . . I . . ." His expression was hidden in shadow, but his voice sounded strangled. "If I . . . if we don't . . . we have to now, 'cause . . . I can't . . . I won't . . ." Gourry took a deep breath and tried again. "Give me your hand."

As he stammered in near-incoherence, Lina's irritation cooled slightly and slowly shifted to concern. She tried to understand his request, but she still wanted an explanation. "Why?"

"Just give me your hand," he repeated. His eyes were still hidden, and she noticed that he was trembling slightly. Slowly she extended her hand. Gourry moved much faster, and before she could retract the hand she had so cautiously proffered, Gourry had pulled her off the pillar and into a rough embrace, kissing her firmly. Lina was caught off guard, but in spite of her annoyance, and somewhat to her surprise, she found herself enthusiastically returning the kiss. Gourry broke off abruptly releasing her completely. "That's what I mean."

Lina struggled to stay upright. She was breathing hard, and she felt light-headed and confused. She tried to sort out the mixed signals she was getting from him. It seemed like Gourry understood something that she didn't, and for once, she felt like the idiot of the two. It was a distinctly unpleasant feeling. He was watching her, breathing just as heavily as she was. Lina swallowed heavily. It galled her to admit it, but if she wanted an explanation . . . "I don't understand." She tried to decrease the distance between them.

"Lina." Gourry's hands clenched tightly around her shoulders, maintaining the space separating them, and he drew in a shuddering breath. His entire body was tense, and his face was intent with concentration. "We have to stop now, because if we don't, I won't be able to stop."

"What's wrong with that?" She ran her hands suggestively up his forearms, hoping he would take her in his arms again. "You started this, Gourry Gabriev. Don't you know that you should always finish what you start?"

"Here?" Gourry's voice broke as he gestured to the ruins around them. "I have _every_ intention of finishing this," Gourry unconsciously licked his lips, his words low with intensity and frustration, "but I'm _not_ going to tumble you in the ruins of Old Sairaag for the world and any fool to see!"

The implications hit Lina like a physical blow, and for the first time since Gourry had pulled her into his lap and started his assault on her senses, her mind was working furiously, considering the situation. Before, she had been lost in the moment, eagerly answering the demands of her body for more and oh gods, more. And if Gourry hadn't stopped it, she wasn't sure how far it would have gone. Because she wouldn't have been content for long to explore him through the rough cloth of his shirt and pants, not when she longed to feel his flesh beneath her fingers. Not after she had experienced the flood of power that coursed through her and pooled deep in her belly as he groaned her name. No. She wouldn't have stopped. Her body was still thrumming, although not as insistently, but was it what she wanted? She could allow Gourry to pull away, and lead her back to Sylphiel's house. And things could remain as they were, they could follow their normal routine, and maybe nothing would happen. Maybe that would be better. Maybe the anticipation would drive her wild. Or, they could finish what had been started, as she had so blithely put it, and make their partnership truly complete, an open acknowledgement to the devotion they had pledged to each other: Gourry, when he had so casually stated he would go on protecting her for the rest of her life, and Lina, when she had sent her plea to the Lord of Nightmares on Gourry's behalf.

Reflections were completed in brief moments, and Lina made her decision. "So, you plan to tumble me?" Her hands were cocked on her hips, and her eyes glinted dangerously, although the hint of a smile ghosted about her lips.

"No!" The denial was immediate. Gourry took a deep breath, "I don't want something quick and casual. I want to love you, Lina." Gourry grasped her hands gently and brought them to his lips. His eyes were pleading for understanding. "In a place where we can take our time and I don't have to split my attention between you and everything around us. Where I don't have to worry about keeping you safe. Where I can focus on you and only you." 

Gourry's attention to her hands brought all the demands and desires that had started to fade back in full force. Lina dropped her "offended maiden" act and sighed in pleasure. Oh, how she wanted him! Lina gently removed one of her hands from his grasp and stretched up to stroke his cheek. "I would gladly give myself to you," she whispered. In fact, she already had, in so many different ways. She paused a moment, then continued in a normal tone of voice, "but you're right, and this is not the time or place." She turned to pick up her glove and started pulling it back on, controlling the shaking of her hands through pure force of will. 

Lina heard Gourry sigh behind her, a sound that was both relief and regret. "No, this isn't the time or place . . ." He trailed off, and Lina turned to see him gazing off to his left, where a light was moving towards them in the distance. 

Lina suppressed the urge to echo Gourry's sigh. Instead, she moved to his side, placing her hand in his. "But when it is the right time, the right place," Lina looked up at him, "I'll be ready." Before he could answer, Lina cupped her free hand and shouted, "Hey, Sylphiel! We're over here!"

* * *

_Lina's still holding my hand . . ._

Gourry felt Lina's hand clasped within his own, as Sylphiel approached. It was an innocent enough touch, in contrast to the definitely un-innocent ways they had been touching each other only moments before. Gourry's heart had finally stopped beating wildly and the trembling had passed, but the slightly sick feeling in the pit of his stomach remained, along with a distracted feeling, almost as if everything had been part of his imagination, or maybe a dream. Had he really held Lina in his arms?

_Lina's still holding my hand . . ._

The light source Sylphiel carried cast her face into shadows. Gourry heard Lina cluck her tongue next to him.

"A _lantern_?" Lina sounded incredulous. "Why on earth would you want to cart one of those around?"

"They do have their uses at certain times," Sylphiel replied. "But this time, I thought it might be best to have a non-magical light source to fall back upon, just in case . . ." Her gaze came to rest on Gourry.

Gourry wondered if Sylphiel bringing along a lantern had something to do with him. He thought about asking, but Lina started talking before he got the chance. "So what brings you out here this late anyway?"

"Well," Sylphiel paused, her eyes flicking to their joined hands. "You were both gone so long, I started to get worried. Gourry only just woke up this evening, you know. I wasn't sure if he was all right."

Lina flinched, but she didn't let go of his hand, "We were just starting back." She took a breath as if to continue, but then she apparently changed her mind and remained silent.

Gourry wondered how the moment had gotten so awkward. Lina wasn't exactly showing it, but he could tell that she was close to fidgeting. She held on to his hand almost defiantly, although he wasn't exactly sure who she was defying. Sylphiel kept looking at their hands, then her gaze would shift to the armor slung over Gourry's shoulder, then to her feet, and then back to their hands. Gourry thought that the circular path her eyes took would make him dizzy, and he felt the back of his head begin to throb again. Funny that he hadn't noticed the pain earlier. 

Before the silence could stretch out any further, Gourry tugged gently on Lina's hand. "Let's go, already." Walking had to be better than just standing there. At least they would be moving.

Unfortunately, walking was _not_ in fact, better. Sylphiel took the lead through the ruins of Old Sairaag, although both Gourry and Lina knew the way. Lina stubbornly continued to hold his hand, but he felt none of the sense of connection he had felt earlier. Instead, it felt sweaty and uncomfortable, but when he tried to pull away, her grip tightened. A couple of times, he caught Sylphiel twitching her head as if she was going to look back at them, but she stopped herself each time. Nobody spoke, and after a while, Gourry stopped trying to think of something, _anything_ , to say that would break the tension. His head began to throb in time with his steps, and he heaved a heart-felt sigh of relief when Sylphiel's small cottage came into view.

Sylphiel opened the door for them, set her lantern on the table, and proceeded to light the other lamps in the room. Gourry was feeling so awful at that point that he almost thought about just dropping his armor and sword, but even in his current condition, in-grained habits and rituals took over. With a grunt, he neatly stacked his equipment in a corner. Once that was taken care of, he collapsed onto the one couch in the room, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

"Gourry?" Lina came over to him and gently pushed his hair out of his face. Her voice was low with concern, and Gourry briefly opened his eyes to smile at her.

Sylphiel came over to them and placed a cool and professional hand on his forehead. "Can you look at me, Gourry?" There was something different in her voice that startled him, and he opened his eyes in shock. Sylphiel was leaning over him, peering into his eyes. She seemed worried by what she saw. "Do you feel sick to your stomach or dizzy?"

"No, not really," Gourry answered, "just tired. The back of my head hurts a bit is all." Something was definitely different about her, but he couldn't quite figure it out.

Sylphiel nodded at his answer. "Try to stay awake a little longer," she directed. Then she turned to Lina, "Miss Lina, please make sure he doesn't fall asleep."

Lina nodded, and sat down next to him. She looked intently at his face, as if she could keep him awake through the strength of her will alone. Sylphiel went over to her stove and started boiling water. As Gourry watched her pull several small jars out of a cupboard, he felt his eyes drift shut. Lina elbowed him sharply in the ribs. "Hey, stay awake, Gourry!"

"I am awake," he grumbled.

"Then keep your eyes open," she admonished as she tapped him on the nose. She was trying to sound normal, but he could tell she was worried by the shrill note in her voice. "Are you almost done over there, Sylphiel?"

"Yes." Sylphiel poured hot water into a mug and then carried it over to them. "Drink this, Gourry. It will taste bitter, but you must drink the whole thing."

Gourry took the mug and felt the warmth seep through into his hands. He cautiously sipped. It was not too hot, but Sylphiel was right, it was very bitter, and he forced himself to drink it quickly. When Gourry handed the mug back to Sylphiel, he noticed that she was looking in his eyes again. 

"Well?" Lina asked.

"I think we can let him sleep now," Sylphiel answered with a smile. "Help me get him into bed, Miss Lina."

"C'mon, Gourry," Lina tugged on his arm, "let's get you to bed."

Gourry helped the two women to pull him up, but he had a hard time standing straight. "Wha'd'ya give me?" He was mildly surprised at how slurred his speech sounded. He didn't even sound like that when he was drunk.

"Don't worry about that right now," Sylphiel answered, moving to support him on one side, while Lina stood on his other side.

Sylphiel and Lina helped him stagger across the room to the small bedroom. About halfway there, Gourry finally realized what was different about Sylphiel. She was calling him just "Gourry," instead of what she usually called him. He tried to ask her about it, but every time he tried, either Lina or Sylphiel would shush him. Once the girls got him to the bed, he collapsed into it.

"Geez, maybe we should've just levitated him over." Lina was slightly out of breath, and sounded quite exasperated. He could feel her taking off his boots, but everything seemed remote and far away. "Will he really be all right?" he thought he heard her say, but he never heard the answer.

The next thing Gourry knew, it was daylight, and he could hear birds singing. He sat up cautiously, but he felt surprisingly well. His stomach was staying where it belonged, and even more importantly, the walls and floor were staying where _they_ belonged. As Gourry stared out the small window in the room, he tried to figure out where he was. Then he tried to figure out where Lina was. He was obviously alone in this room, but he saw Lina's pack next to his, so he knew she had to be close. Gourry went over to the door, quietly opened it, and saw Lina and Sylphiel sleeping on the floor. That reminded him that they had made it to Sairaag. Without thinking, Gourry brought his hand up to the back of his head. There was no pain, but his hair was still matted, so he probably had been injured like he seemed to remember. 

After Gourry took care of his morning business, he sat on the edge of the bed to put his boots on. In the midst of pulling up the second boot, he paused as the events of the previous day hit him. Had he _really_ held Lina in his arms? Had he really kissed her? Maybe he had just dreamt it. But if it was a dream, why was it so clear? Gourry closed his eyes and remembered the feel of her thighs clasping his legs as she pushed herself close to him, the scent of her arousal undeniable, and he felt himself responding to the memory. Gourry shifted uncomfortably and wished his pants didn't fit quite so tightly. He wanted it to be real . . . and he was almost sure it was real . . . but at the same time he couldn't quite bring himself to believe that Lina would act the way she had. She always went ballistic every time someone touched her. He wished there were some way he could be sure, one way or the other.

Gourry went out into the main room, careful not to wake Lina or Sylphiel. Of course, Lina could sleep through anything, but he seemed to recall that Sylphiel was a light sleeper. Lina had thrashed around in her sleep and thrown off her blanket, like she usually did. Sylphiel, in contrast, slept neatly and was curled up on her side. Gourry went to cover Lina, but when he pushed her hair off of her face, he noticed a faint red mark under her ear. He sat down on the empty couch. There was only one thing that could have caused that mark, and that meant . . . it meant that he didn't dream it. Lina and he had . . . Gourry felt himself start to grin. He was really glad Lina wasn't awake to see him like this. He wasn't sure why, but for some reason, he thought it might make her mad.

As Gourry sat watching Lina sleep, his gaze shifted to Sylphiel. He couldn't imagine two women who were more unalike than these two. Sylphiel practiced white magic. She was calm and caring, the type of person who would never want to hurt another. She was so different from Lina. Sylphiel seemed to live in the shadows. Lina had to be the center of attention. Even the way the looked was opposite. Sylphiel was tall and dark, and built like a woman. Lina was short and scrawny in comparison.

Gourry wondered what would have happened if he had stayed longer with Sylphiel and her father. No, he knew what would have happened. Eventually, Eruk would have spoken to him, and he'd probably be married and a father already. Gourry tried, as he had the first time he had stayed with Sylphiel and Eruk, to picture himself in the official robes a leader of the city wore, and ended up snorting. He couldn't imagine being a "respectable" leader of any community, and he shuddered at the thought of trying to keep up with shifting political alliances and intrigue. It wasn't that he didn't like Sylphiel. He did, although it was not love. It was the lifestyle she represented, so similar to the life he had abandoned by taking the Sword that belonged by right to his brother.

Leaving with the Sword of Light had been Gourry's solution to the politics of inheritance that was on the edge of violence. But, as much as Gourry missed his family, he did not miss the life at court, where events had always been just beyond his understanding. The life he had chosen suited him so much better. As Lina's protector, he had a ready source of excitement and adventure, and Lina could take care of all the minor details that he found so boring. But more than that, he was happy with Lina in a way that he hadn't been before, even though as a mercenary he didn't have to think, just follow the orders of whoever was paying him.

Gourry's stomach growled insistently, and he got up to rummage around Sylphiel's kitchen. He noticed the wood box was close to empty, so he brought in more fuel for the stove. As he stacked up wood to carry back inside, he realized that for the first time in days, he didn't have that underlying sense of needing to return to Sairaag. He wondered if everything else would go back to normal, too. He hoped that Lina's nightmares would stop, and she would lose that haunted look she had been trying to hide from him. They could go back to hunting for magical items Lina was always so interested in finding and to taking on odd jobs that got them into trouble more often than not. No wonder Lina preferred shaking down bandits. It certainly made more money than all those jobs that they ended up not getting paid for.

After carrying in an armful of wood, Gourry began to coax the banked coals in Sylphiel's stove back to life. Having a stove to cook on was a luxury that didn't come often. Usually he and Lina prepared their food over an open campfire, which pretty much limited their menu to "food on a stick". While the stove heated, Gourry raided Sylphiel's larder looking for some eggs. He hadn't had fried eggs since they left that inn so many weeks ago. When he found the eggs, he noticed they were by a round of yellow cheese, and he decided to expand upon his fried egg idea. He pulled out the eggs and cheese, as well as some vegetables and a shank of ham. 

Gourry picked up Sylphiel's chopping knife, and out of habit, tested the edge. He frowned to himself, and put the knife down. After rooting through Sylphiel's kitchen for a few moments without luck, he went to his pack to get his own whetstone. Gourry wondered how Sylphiel could cut anything with knives this dull. Once the knife was sharpened to his satisfaction, Gourry set to work chopping, his mouth watering in anticipation. 

"I never realized how talented you were in a kitchen." 

At the soft words, Gourry turned to see Sylphiel standing in the doorway.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Gourry asked.

"No, I usually wake about this time," Sylphiel replied, as her eyes widened at the piles of food Gourry had taken from her larder. "You've certainly been busy. How do you feel?"

Gourry grimaced. "Hungry. Do you mind?" He gestured to the cutting board.

Sylphiel laughed quietly. "Well, that sounds normal for you. Go ahead," she smiled and sat down at the table, "as long as you make some for me, too."

Gourry turned back to the stove and placed a greased griddle on its surface to heat. "I'd better make enough for Lina, too. She'll probably wake up as soon as she smells food."

"I heard that, Gourry," Lina called sharply from the other room.

"See?" Gourry smiled at Sylphiel and then started cracking eggs onto the griddle.

Lina wandered in to the kitchen, her hair all tousled and wild. "Smells good." She came and peered around his elbow, laying her hand on his upper arm while she sniffed appreciatively. Gourry glanced down at her, and something flickered in her eyes, though it was gone too quickly for him to identify it. She smiled at him, and then went over to Sylphiel. Gourry concentrated on the eggs, adding some of the vegetables and meat. He heard Lina say something to Sylphiel, and Sylphiel respond, but they spoke too quietly for him to hear. 

"Hey, no fair whispering behind my back while I'm cooking!" Gourry protested indignantly.

"What's 'fair' have to do with anything?" Lina demanded with a toss of her head. "Where do you keep your dishes, Sylphiel? It smells like Gourry will be done soon."

While Gourry finished cooking breakfast, Lina set the table and Sylphiel prepared some tea. The small kitchen was filled with the bustle of companionable activity. When they sat down to eat, Lina and Gourry began to fight over each other's food, while Sylphiel did her best to stay out of their way, ducking a couple of times when food went flying in her direction. After breakfast, Sylphiel went to the market to restock. 

"Really, Miss Lina, it's not necessary," she protested when Lina pressed a handful of coins into her hand.

"I know, but Gourry and I really did eat a lot," Lina replied cheerfully. "The least we can do is pay for it!"

Gourry and Lina started cleaning up the kitchen while Sylphiel did the groceries. As Lina passed him dishes to dry, Gourry suddenly started grinning.

"What's got you so happy?" Lina asked, handing him another clean dish.

"This," Gourry gestured around them. "It's fun to play house every once in a while, doncha think?"

"I suppose," Lina said slowly, chewing on her lip.

"I wouldn't want to do it every day, though." Gourry felt Lina relax next to him when he said that. 

Lina washed the last of the dishes, and then she yawned hugely, stretching her arms to the ceiling. "Man, am I beat!" She went over to the now-clean table and sank into a chair with a sigh.

Gourry also sank gratefully into a chair. "We didn't really have to clean up, you know." 

Lina looked at him with a very odd expression on her face. "Of course we had to clean up! It's not like this is an inn or anything!"

"Well, I didn't mean not to help, just that we didn't have to sweep _and_ mop, or scrub the stove and empty out the ashes . . ." The energy Lina threw into making Sylphiel's little kitchen immaculate had surprised him. Lina couldn't be described as tidy under normal circumstances. It seemed like Amelia was always complaining about Lina tossing her stuff all over the inn rooms they usually shared.

Lina blushed. "She's been so kind to us, even though it's really hard for her to see us together . . . She's saved your life twice in the past few days . . . and she's been a friend to me . . ." Lina trailed off. Then she looked him straight in the eye. "And what else can we offer her in thanks?"

Gourry shifted uncomfortably. Lina had just hit on something that had been bothering him, too: what to do about Sylphiel. No matter what he came up with, though, he couldn't help but feel like it would just make things worse. Then one of Lina's phrases sunk in, and he found himself grinning again.

Lina glared at him. "Gourry, this is serious!" She slammed her hand down on the table for emphasis.

"It must be," Gourry said calmly, still grinning, "you just said that we were together."

Gourry watched the color drain out of Lina's face. "I didn't . . . I mean . . . I just . . ." 

As Lina continued to stammer, Gourry felt cold in the pit of his stomach. Had he imagined last night after all? He reached across to push her hair out of her face. Lina didn't brush his hand away, but at the same time, a series of emotions flicked across her face almost faster than he could register them. Panic, relief, fear, surprise, happiness? They were all a jumble.

Gourry pulled his hand away. "All right, Lina. What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Everything!" she burst out. "Everything's happening so fast, but not fast enough. I want things to change, but I want them to stay the same. " Lina broke off, and she must have caught the look of confusion on his face because she took a deep breath and started again. "Last night was wonderful, but at the same time, I wish it had never happened."

"Why?" The cold feeling was definitely spreading.

"Because . . . " Lina blushed, "because I'm afraid." She thrust her chin out defiantly. "I'm afraid of what I want, because I don't think I'm ready, and I'm afraid that we've ruined things."

Gourry tried to sort out what she was saying, but no matter how he looked at it, he couldn't figure out what was bothering her.

"Don't strain your brain, Jellyfish," Lina commented acidly after the silence had stretched out.

Gourry winced at her tone, and said abruptly, "Okay, then why don't you explain it to me. What do you want that you're afraid of but not ready for?"

If anything, Lina blushed even more, and started muttering under her breath. Gourry caught something about birds and peas, but he couldn't be sure. He folded his arms across his chest while waiting for her to continue. "Okay," she finally said, "do you remember what I said last night?"

"Lina, you said a lot of things last night. We both did."

She grimaced. "The thing I said right before Sylphiel showed up," Lina spat out from between clenched teeth.

"Yes." Gourry looked her straight in the eye. He wondered why she was having so much trouble with this. Lina could stare down Dark Lords and even death, but couldn't face her own emotions.

Some of the tension went out of her body. She couldn't hold his gaze and she looked away to stare out the kitchen window. "That's what I'm afraid of. It's still true; I still would. But whenever I think of other people knowing about you and me, I just freeze up and I don't know how to act." 

Gourry stared at her, not quite sure if he wanted to laugh or bang his head into the table. "Lina. Okay, let's see if I've got this straight. You're worried about what other people might think of us being together?"

Lina nodded.

"Don't you think it's a little late for that?"

Her eyes widened and her face drained of color. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Gourry stared back at her. "It's just that we've been traveling together now, just the two of us, for how long? I'm a guy, you're a girl, and we usually don't have Zel or Amelia around to chaperone us. People are going to think whatever they want. Last night doesn't change that."

"But," Lina was sputtering with indignation, "we never did anything . . ."

Gourry interrupted. "Doesn't matter. Most people think we're together."

Lina's eyes narrowed. "Who exactly are 'most people'?"

Gourry started with old mercenary buddies they had run into, ticking off on his fingers, "Leon, Grize, that Fox guy, Zel's asked me a couple of different times . . . "

"Okay, okay," Lina cut him off. "Point taken."

"I'm glad that's cleared up, then. So what have we 'ruined'?"

Lina glanced at him in surprise, opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She cocked her head, considering, and the tension drained out of her. Then she laughed, sounding more relaxed than she had in a long time. "Nothing. Forget I said anything about it." She got up and started to put the last of the clean dishes away. 

"So, Gourry, did you find what you needed here in Sairaag?" She asked in the companionable silence.

Gourry watched as she stretched to put a dish up on a high shelf. The sun glinted in her hair and outlined her body as she strained to reach the shelf. Lina finally snorted in disgust and cast levitation, depositing the dish in its place. "Yeah," Gourry replied with a smile, "yeah, I did."

Lina leaned against the sink. "You know what you want to do next?" 

Gourry shrugged. "Whatever."

"Well, Sylphiel asked us to stay until they replant Flagoon, and I already said we would. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see something like that, and since you're the heir to the original Swordsman of Light, Sylphiel thought it would be good for you to be there. Then we can . . ."

Gourry watched as Lina laid out her plans, not really listening to what she was saying, just happy to see her acting like she normally did, for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

## Epilogue

Lina and Gourry stayed with Sylphiel until the after the Replanting of Flagoon. They had very little time to themselves, because as soon as Sylphiel mentioned to the Head Priest of Lyzeille that the current Swordsman of Light was going to be present at the ceremony, along with the (in-)famous Sorceress Lina Inverse, both were quickly given roles: Gourry, as a point of honor; Lina, really, to keep her under control and to make sure that the Dra-Mata did not do something destructive and unpropitious. There was one member of the imperial court who was less than pleased to find out that Lina was going to participate in the ceremony. A certain messenger went out of his way to switch duties to ensure that he would be anywhere but Sairaag on that day.

During those days, Lina came to realize that her worries about things changing between her and Gourry had been groundless. In general, Gourry was happy to let her plan their next quest for ancient magical treasures, and they still fought over food. The only obvious difference in their relationship was that they touched each other more frequently. Gourry loved to reach over and brush Lina's hair out of her face. Lina, for her part, would place her hand briefly on Gourry's arm whenever she came up to stand next to him. These touches reminded them both of what they had started that night in the ruins of Old Sairaag, and in some ways, Lina enjoyed them more. As much as she had enjoyed that night, she was still a bit nervous about how out of control she had been. Gourry reveled in the fact that he no longer felt like he had to keep his feelings under tight control and that Lina was accepting his gestures of affection. 

There was another who was relieved that Lina and Gourry were restrained in their displays. Sylphiel knew that they were together. If she had suspected it when she went out to find them in the ruins of Old Sairaag, she was sure when she saw them standing next to each other, holding hands. She was happy for them, and she tried to convince herself that it was for the best. The fact that they were pretty much acting like normal, instead of like giddy young lovers, made things a lot easier for her.

Lina was surprised that Seyruun sent a delegation to the ceremony, but she was disappointed that neither Amelia nor Phil showed up. The Seyruun ambassador to Lyzeille explained that they were deep in negotiations with the other kingdoms about mounting an expedition down the coast. Lina was a bit miffed that Amelia had not mentioned this in her most recent letter.

After the ceremony, Lina was torn between wanting to chase down the Essence of Burundi and heading off to the coast to see the launching of the Seyruun fleet. Gourry had no opinion, either way. Most of the magical artifacts Lina wanted to find tended to be bogus, or more effort than they were worth. On the other hand, when they went into towns, they always seemed to end up taking jobs that got them into trouble. Lina finally decided when she received a letter from someone who was offering her a very lucrative job. By some coincidence, the potential employer suggested meeting in the coastal town where Phil and Amelia were hosting the pre-launch festivities.

The trip to the coast was relatively uneventful, with the occasional foray into bandit strongholds to calm Lina's nerves and replenish their traveling funds. A couple of times, Lina and Gourry had gotten cozy by the campfire, with one thing leading to another, but Gourry adamantly refused to allow things to progress too far. He did not like the idea of them being so vulnerable out-of-doors, no matter how secluded their camping spot. Lina pouted a bit, and she privately thought that Gourry took the "protector" business too far, but she couldn't be angry when he told her that he wanted to be able to focus on her, and not have to worry about their surroundings. 

After one such incident, they lay on either side of the fire, both too keyed up to sleep, so they just talked. Or rather, Lina talked while Gourry listened, her words more or less sinking in. Lina got his full attention when she asked him if he still thought of her as a little girl. At first, Gourry wasn't sure how to answer. It turned out that what was really bothering her was the fact that he teased her about her size. When Gourry pointed out that it was no different than her calling him Jellyfish all the time, Lina just stared at him. Both learned something important that night. Lina knew that things like "Yogurt Brains" didn't really bother him, although she often used them as barbs, particularly when she was annoyed. Gourry knew he wasn't the sharpest tool in the toolbox, but he was a good swordsman. He played to his strengths and accepted his weaknesses. He certainly couldn't do anything to change them. Gourry thought Lina was the same way, and he had not realized how much his comments about her small stature and even smaller attributes upset her. He had known that she didn't like it when he teased her, but he hadn't realized how insecure she was about her body. Gourry was partly angry that she felt that way about herself, and partly amazed and happy that she felt comfortable enough to confide in him. He tried to make Lina promise to tell him these kind of things in the future and stop trying to be the "Sorceress Supreme" all the time. Lina compromised by agreeing not to hide things from him when they were alone.

By the time Lina and Gourry arrived at the coast, both had settled into a comfortable routine. Although "the right time" had not come about during their travels, for one reason or another, neither were in a rush. They knew that they would wait for, well, the right time. 

Finis

**Author's Note:**

> As you may have guessed, this fic was inspired by the [poster](http://www.torrencia.net/kaitrin/images/slnext.jpg) that has Lina and Gourry standing under a very large crescent moon. Gourry has his arms around Lina, and both look like they're in pain. The caption reads:
> 
> Lina Inverse  
> SLAYERS NEXT  
> Someone even a dragon wouldn't mess with
> 
> It's my favorite Slayers picture of all time (so much so that I stayed up until 2 am to make sure I won the bidding on Ebay for it!). For some reason, I've associated this picture with "Midnight Blue" the end song from "Slayers the Motion Picture" (aka "Slayers Perfect"), even though they really have nothing to do with each other. The title of this fic comes from the song (if you are interested in the [lyrics](http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/slayers/midnightblue.htm), they can be found at [Anime Lyrics](http://www.animelyrics.com)), but the inspiration was trying to figure out a plausible explanation for the poster. I decided that they were in Sairaag only because of the ruins, but for no other real reason. Most of the references should be familiar. The "Reefler" was a magic item that Lina and Gourry found in the manga story arc, "Super Explosive Demon Story", which roughly follows the same plot as the first TV series. The first two volumes have been translated into English by CPM, and are available at Amazon.com, Animenation.com, or your favorite anime/book dealer.
> 
> I would like to thank Hyacynth for suggesting that I explore Sylphiel more thoroughly. I would also like to thank Flarn for her beta-reading efforts, which helped me to keep Lina & Gourry in character, but also made me slow down my narrative and stop skipping ahead to the end. Thanks, Flarn! Thanks also go out to Stara Maijka, whose feedback on later sections helped me get Lina and Gourry back into character when they were starting to act too much like OOC teenagers. Finally, thanks again to Stara Maijka and Unholydragoon for Beta Reading and offering suggestions on the final section.
> 
> This was my first attempt to write fiction, and I'm rather pleased with how it turned out!


End file.
